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My mother tries to control my entire life. I'm a 22 year old married mother of two, yet she tries to make everything her way.

My mom hates my husband. She hates that we live far away (he's army) and she has now decided that if she can't see my sons as much as she wants, she doesn't want to see them at all. She says this will not only be too painful to her and her family, but would damage my sons as well. On top of this she is telling me to leave my husband because she feels he should force me to a dr (have a few health problems but a genuine fear of drs due to past problem). He's tried to make me, but he can't really FORCE me, ya know? She says she would have a loved one committed to an institution if it meant going to the dr. I understand her concern, but don't know how to handle this...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Oct. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • (OP here)
    She also says that I must not be in love with him because I was worried about an affair when DH and I were having marital problems. We are going through counseling now and doing much better. I dont want to divorce my husband OR lose my family... What do I do?

    (sorry I could add more details, nursing at the comp)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • Oh wah. Don't listen to her, she's doting too much and sounds like it's hard for her to let go of her baby. Try not to take it to heart I guess (it's hard) and add a grain of salt. That's what moms are for, and since we are ourselves now, I hope to GOD I'm not like that when he's my age....
    rlemde

    Answer by rlemde at 10:54 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • She's acting childish. Treat her like a child and put her in time out. She's trying to guilt you into doing what she says by stamping her feet and drawing silly lines in the sand. Just say, okay mom. And then nothing. Don't answer her calls, don't read her emails, all mail return to sender. Become a black hole. Just like with children, do not reward her behavior with attention. That's what she wants. Ignore her for an extended period of time, and only accept communication on YOUR terms.
    catwalksymphony

    Answer by catwalksymphony at 11:01 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • mommies like to put guility trips on us kids, thats how they know they get control of us. honey i would stick to what you are doing, stay with hubby and make it work cause if you go back to her she will use i told you so that it won't work on you then you will have to hear her about what you should of done. stand up to your mom and when you feel ready maybe take a vac to see her but not intil she is ready to let go...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • tell her to back off if thats what she wants. but it cant be a here now gone now situation. she's being a baby and strangely acting like a MIL we all deal with.
    imanixon2

    Answer by imanixon2 at 11:43 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • This is the second time tonight that my answer to a question is, "Don't let the door hit ya on the way out."

    People can only emotionally blackmail and manipulate you if you let them. "I'm sorry you feel that way, mom. The boys will miss you." Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 2:10 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • "People can only emotionally blackmail and manipulate you if you let them. "I'm sorry you feel that way, mom. The boys will miss you." Lather. Rinse. Repeat."

    And stop discussing your marriage with her.
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 11:55 AM on Apr. 8, 2009

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