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my step kids mom feels weird about asking me for help with the kids....

she called lastnight to ask if my dh could take dsd to camp in the morning and he had to work so i said i would and she said oh you dont have to....i dont feel right asking you cause you have so many kids. i only have 1 more that she does when i dont count hers so why does she think i have so much to do? and during the school year its wierd, she would rather call in to work that bring sick kids to my house for the day, its not like they are up playing with the other kids....they are laying down in their room. does it sound to you like she doesnt trust me or like she doesnt want to bother me with her responsibilities?


Asked by cassie_m at 11:34 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • In a way, I think she's being polite. If I were in her shoes I probably would be hesitant to make requests of the new wife. Most of the stuff I hear about "ex-wife"s is ALL bashing, and they're psycho, etc. I'd take it as a good thing that you don't have to deal with a crazy psycho bitch ex-wife. It's also nice that you're willing to be helpful and amicable, because the "new wife" also tends to get bashed by the "ex". Thank her for considering your work load, and extend your offer to help again, if you really don't mind. It's definitely a good thing for the kids when ALL the parents are able to get along!!

    Answer by coder_chick at 11:49 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Maybe she is trying to be conscientious. You could have a frank conversation and let her know that you really don't mind watching the kids. You care about them too and are glad to be able to help when they are sick or need a ride, etc. and that you aren't offering to be polite. You wont get anywhere without talking to her though.

    Answer by tomib at 11:40 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Being the other woman in a child's life is probably hard. IF I was a step mom and numerous children were involved on both sides I too would be very cautious with what I asked of the other mother. She sounds like she is trying to respect you. Just talk to her about this. Let her know how you feel, what does or doesn't bother you. Maybe she just thinks or feels from other horror stories of people that had to deal with the other mom. IDK

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 11:47 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • She may be trying to keep boundaries, maybe she doesn't want you to feel like her children's babysitter? Have you had your DH tell her that you really don't mind, that you enjoy the children?

    Answer by Scuba at 11:48 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Maybe a little of both. It's a complicated situation, but I think if you continue to offer help and even let her help with your kids, you two will eventually work things out. Sometimes it just takes time. Good luck!

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 11:37 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Hmm..sounds pretty weird to me. Maybe she just doesn't want another woman coming in and taking over "mom" responsibilities. I can tell you from a personal experience, I appreciate my childrens' "stepmother's" help very much.

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:40 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I think she's being polite and respectful. Maybe she is a little wary of you, but maybe you could help her feel a little more comfortable with you by telling her what great kids she has, how you think she has done a terrific job in what is so often a messy situation (divorce), etc. Maybe she's just struggling through unfamiliar waters and you can help her see that you're all working toward the same goal. Good for you for being so open minded and willing to help. There are so many who aren't, and the people who end up suffering are the kids.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 1:13 PM on Aug. 27, 2010