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How can I help my marriage?

The church we attend is a family church, where my mom is pastorl. I have this person that I consider a brother or friend there. My husband has felt like we had relations or something close. I"ve told him we didnt and thats the honest truth. My husband ask me to confront him on how close he got to me when we talked and how he hugged me when saying hello. Also, he would sometime touch my elbow when I passed. All of this I payed no attention to becuase I didnt think he was trying anything. My husband ask me to say something and to change. I didnt say anything because I didnt know how to address the situation. I did however change how I greeted him. I no longer hug him but I shake his hand, I stay away from him because it makes my husband uncomfortable. The issue we are having is that my husband believe I was relunctant to address the issue because I put him f

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Oct. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • if it makes your hubby uncomfortable try backing off with the friend. i know how he feels my hubby is friends with this girl and some of the comments and "closeness" makes me very uncomfortable. you need to decide whats more important the friend or your husband. would you feel ok about your hubby having female friend that close? and put who first the hubby or friend?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • sounds like he's a bit insecure, but that he well recognizes that HE is your husband. Let him know again that nothing's going on. It might be weird at first, but maybe this friend needs to tell him too.
    imanixon2

    Answer by imanixon2 at 11:35 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • i think if this man is truly your friend then you just need to tell him straight up how your husband feels and that you will now be asking him to be less friendly. i think this friend has a thing for you but either way this way your telling him who is number one in your life. i think after you do this your husband will see that you hold him as number one.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:11 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Is your friend not your husband's friend too?
    I have many guy friends that I hug and am real close to. These are people that I was close to before my husband came along. He was a little uncomfortable about it at first but I reassured him NOTHING was going on. These have been my best friends for years and I was NOT changing it. Eventually he got used to it and now there's no problem. My husband has several friends that I am close to and hug and talk to. If there's nothing going on there shouldn't be a problem and your husband shouldn't be so insecure.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 12:16 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • The problem is your husband, not you or your friend. There is no wrong in having a male friend who is just a friend! And do you hug your female friends? So why is it wrong to hug a male friend? It's NOT! Don't lose a friend over your husband being jealous. This is HIS issue to work out. Hugging is not sex! It's two friends hugging. Talk to your husband, address his jealously issues, and be yourself! Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • You didn't put your friend's feelings first, you put you own. YOU would be uncomfortable talking to your friend. I bet your friend would completely understand. All you have to do is say, "it makes my husband uncomfortable when we act too chummy - you know, hugging, standing close and all the stuff we don't even notice because we're just pals and it's been that way for so long. But out of respect for my husband's feelings, I'd like it if we could still be friends, but take his feelings into consideration on these types of things."


    People who say that it's ok for you to do something that makes your husband unhappy are the same people who'd tell you that he's disrespecting you if he has a friend you don't like or looks at dirty magazines or does any number of things YOU don't like. He didn't ask you to not be friends with the guy, he asked you not to make him uncomfortable. Accomodate him.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 2:01 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Well said Avarah! If ever he was doing something that played on your insecurities, we would all hope he would stop or change. That is what love and marriage are about.
    jcsscfam5

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 3:57 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • well i have male friends but if it bothered my husband i would back off..... I always try to put myself in his place.... i love my husband and i want to keep him... do you love him enough to put him first? i think he has made him self clear so the choice is yours....your husband or your friend? I would pick my hubby....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

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