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Moving away from MIL....

Dh and I (and our 8 mo old dd) have run into some hard times *who hasn't right??* We just cannot find decent jobs in this town, and are sick of struggling to pay rent every month. We only live about 35 min from my MIL. Dh is an only child, so dd is her first grandchild. Well where my parents live about 5 hours south of us, the job market is amazing, even the factories are still hiring!! My dad already has a job for me lined up, adn we can stay with my parents for a few months until we get enough saved up to get our own place again. We have decided we want to move... But how to tell MIL?? She's soooo attached to dd. I know it will break her heart, but we are doing what we feel like we have to do. Dh is going to tell her this weekend and I know it won't be pretty at all... She already says we aren't trying hard enough to find better jobs up here (apparently since I have my BS in psych I can get ANY job! lol)

Answer Question

Asked by jedwards2009 at 11:51 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 17 (3,282 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • You are doing what you have to do. She won't be happy, accept that and tell her that you WILL be down to visit often and have her up to visit as well if she's capable of driving or if there's train or bus service to get her to you.

    In my book, five hours is not much distance at all. Heck, it takes 35 minutes to cross town here.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:57 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I am so sorry. Yes, it will break her heart. She will have to adjust. Maybe you can explain how you will make it work out. She can come visit and it will be a differetn, but workable relationship.

    My brother lived about 5 hours from his daughter and grandkids and they would meet half way in between at a nice rest area with an indoor play area once a month. They would spend the day there! Then drive home in the late afternoon. Just one idea.

    My son and grandchildren live in CA and we try to see them twice a year. We video on Skype, etc. We're not happy about it but it is what it is. Your situaton is much more liveable. I cried for about a month hen we first learned they would live out there.


    Answer by elizabr at 12:00 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • cont.........Let her get over some of the shock and then be as positive about it as you can. Try the best you can to ignore any things she might say in hurt and anger. I hope there is none of that for all your sakes. Make an honest effort to see that she gets her baby time with your dd once you have moved. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 12:02 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • She's going to have to accept it. My husband is origanally from South Texas and my mom can't accept the idea of our someday move to Texas. My parents have my brother and his family 2 hours away so it's not like they won't have family close by. I've told my mom that I'm not going to deny my husband from being near his family.

    Answer by jilligan362 at 12:04 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • gl

    Answer by san78 at 12:23 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I just thought of something else.........I know 2 sets of grandparents who moved to be near their grandchildren. I don't know you MIL's family situation, work, etc but maybe this could be a possibility down the road. There's a lot to consider though, if all the inlaws get along, etc. Just one more thought going through my head.

    Answer by elizabr at 12:58 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Just tell her there is some great news and some bad news. Which one do you want to hear first? She'll just have to adjust but will be alright. You guys are young so move forward. GL

    Answer by musicmom08 at 11:10 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Stay away from Virginia because we're jobless too. Nothing much going on here either. I'm moving to North Carolina next summer. My bank account should be decent enough to move by then.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:14 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • my parents left holland with12 kids to have better life at first it was hard to leave all friends and family but in the end it was better life for my parents.your mother-law will be hurt but she will understand .we as parents will move heaven and earth for our child .that is her only child as you and your hubby have one .you can always tell her she can come anytime and good luck

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:22 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I moved with my husband and family 7 hours away from his family. His mother got over it.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:31 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

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