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he hates his job and gets snippy with us adult content

My hubby has a job that he doesn't like, but does because he wants to provide for us. If he has a hard day he usually ends up taking it out on me and DD. NOT physically, but yelling, a lot. If he's having a day where he's just short tempered about everything he always says he's irritated, and tired, and most the time hungry. I'm trying to make it so he doesn't have to have days like that, but it doesn't seem to matter what I do. Is it me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • If your husband is going to keep his job he needs to learn stress management. You could suggest this and maybe do it as a couple. Mindful relaxation is very effective and has been in the news lately. Even deep breathing that takes just seconds to do can elicit a relaxation response. Ultimately he is responsible for his behavior.


    One of my friends husbands had a long, stressful commute. He would have an hour of quiet time alone before interacting with the family. It sounds extreme but it worked for them and it kept them married.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:53 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • its not you, when he gets home he just needs to have an hour or 2 to relax and wind down then approach him. my other half works outside in the heat 8 hrs a day 5 days a week and he's grouchy and tired when he gets home. He doesn't like working ouside all day in the heat, rain, snow it doesn't matter he's outside in it. When he gets home just give him his dinner plate of food and give him some alone time. hope this helps
    bluerose26

    Answer by bluerose26 at 3:53 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Obviously not - if he's only reacting this way if he has a hard day at work! Can you give him 1/2 hour when he gets home to cool off? Just give him some space, let him change etc. Hopefully that will help.
    MommaofH2

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 3:54 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • It's not you.

    Think about it this way. How would you feel, spending day after day, doing a job that you hate. Dealing with not only the stress of the job itself, but also the added stress and harsh feelings due to disliking the job (for whatever reason).. And knowing that you can't leave the job because you have a family to support and you are the only financial supporter in that family... That's a lot of stress to deal with. And truthfully most men do not deal with that type of stress well. Many men are only capable of communicating such emotions in a way that comes out as "anger".. Even if they aren't angry at the people/person that it's being directed towards.They just do not know how to communicate "Honey. I hate my job. But I have no choice but to work it. And I'm stressed out and unhappy and becoming depressed over the whole situation". They can't do that, they just express anger and frustration.

    Cont...
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:55 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • The best way to deal with it is through communication. Learning how to understand his communication style, but also helping him to learn how to comfortably communicate his true feelings better. Once he learns how to communicate his feelings better, and you learn how to interpret his feelings better. He can (and will most likely) begin to communicate these feelings in a more productive manner that isn't so harsh towards everyone else in his life.

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:57 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • OOPS sorry hit "enter" to soon. lol Anyhoo

    Since you can't change what is happening at work. You can make changes at home to help him deal. Here's somethings that have worked over the years in my marriage. Can't guarantee that they will work for you, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

    * Set aside time when he comes home from work. That time is work & the dailies discussion time. This is when he can get out anything and everything about his day at work. And you can get out any daily business (bills, kids, ect) that needs to be shared. After this talk. No more discussion of those things for the rest of the evening (unless an emergency pops up, or their is a family issue happening that needs to be addressed).

    * Let him spend time unwinding. However he chooses to do that. I know it sounds "unfair" how come he gets to and I can't to some women. But if he's taking his feelings out on the family. Then that time is needed
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:01 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • maybe look into another job how long has he been there at the current one that he hates?
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 4:38 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • It's not you. He just hates his job. I do know how you feel though. My hubby would have gotten out of the Army, except I found out I was pregnant. Sometimes he will remind me that he's still here because of us. And I take it differently then he means it. But he's hurting all the time. The road marching and jumping take a toll. And I feel bad, I feel like we are a burden to him.
    Have you talked with your hubby about his attitude? Maybe he doesn't realize it? I know sometimes mine will try to boss me around, like I'm beneath him. I have to remind him I am not his soldier, so he can shove it. IDK what your hubby's job is, but maybe there's something, anything you can do to ease his tension? Make his lunch, and put love notes in there? If he goes out to lunch, put love notes in his wallet? But you guys do need to discuss things, because he cannot keep doing this, I'm sure it doesn't make him feel good to do this, either.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:18 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • you can't control it and you don't need to try to walk on eggshells to accommodate his bad temper and lack of ability to manage his stress. if you want it to change you have to stop putting up with it - it won't kill him to learn another way to handle these feelings and the sooner the better. tell him i understand you are irritated about work, but please stop taking it out on me; tell him your dd doesn't deserve to live in that environment... (nor do you - nor does he...)
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:22 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • It's not so much about how long he's been there, it's not the kind of job that he's made for. He's basically doing a desk job. It's not him, I know it's not him. He needs to be out putting in all his strength to hard labor. Back-breaking hard labor, be outside, using his talents. But where we live he can't get that. I feel bad that he can't, I really want him to actually want to go to work for reasons other than just providing. But we'd have to move to another city, if not another state.

    KricketMother09

    Answer by KricketMother09 at 5:23 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

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