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3 Bumps

Uuuuggghhhh! I am so frustrated right now!

My SO and I have been argueing for 3 days now. Or relationship almost ended a few weeks ago but we sat down and decided to change things and make it work. He needed more time to himself and time to go out and I needed him to respect, acknowledge and support my feelings. We made an arrangement that Saturdays would be 100% his day and Sunday would be our family day. Well he took his saturday and didn't tell me until sunday morning that he had to work sunday, so there went family day. Of the 4 nights since then, he's worked one and gone out two. I asked him last night if we could have a family night and he said sure but he wanted to work on sanding his table for awhile first. I asked why it couldn't wait until saturday and he said "why are you tripping, we can do both, not everything has to work around your schedule" - Well, then we started fighting. Now its to the point that we're not even speaking. What do I do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • what about having an actual written contract or a calendar with days checked off for family, his time, your time, etc? Sometimes putting it in writing can diffuse the anger and you work together to problem solve. Worth a try maybe .....just an idea.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:15 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Honestly honey it sounds like he has allot of growing up to do. If he can't put family first then i'd so find a man who will.
    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 4:16 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I agree..he sounds very immature...and is putting all his feelings first and his family second... I don't blame you for being upset.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 4:19 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I have a question... What about time for yourself to go out? I agree with wildwiccan83, he has a lot of growing up to do. Not sure you can change him, I would suggest marriage counseling, but would he even go? Marriage is a two way street and if one is more selfish than the other, it isn't going to be good. Sorry, you are going through this.

    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 4:20 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Maybe you and he should sit down and have him divide up his time. Tell him he has to give you x amount of minutes/hours a day/week/whatever for you and the family, so he needs to find time he can commit to that.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 4:22 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Time for a calendar. Talk to him and make an agreement that to change something on the calendar both of you have to agree to it or make a compromise to make up for the change. So if he goes out but then needs to change the family day, he should give up his night out to replace the family day. Then he can actually see it on paper. Guys brains work better that way when they have something tangible. It would help you too to see who is giving and who is taking.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 4:26 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • wow....more power to you I woulda smacked him across his face or upside his head "why you trippin" is he serious? how long have you been together? and I agree why not time to yourself? do you trust him? I understand needing time for yourself and himself but guess what the family comes first.....sounds like things need to be re-evaluated
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 4:34 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I think maybe you are better off alone then with a man that sound so immature.
    Why start a family if you want me time come on tell him it's not all about him any more he as a family now.
    Plus when he says I want Saturday for me does he let you go have a girl night out to!!!!!!!!!
    If not just let him go it's not worth your effort it sound like your trying more on the relationship than him.
    elisabellaguna

    Answer by elisabellaguna at 4:39 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I agree with the contract. And if he can't agree with that, and sign it, see ya. He agreed to Saturday's are his, Sunday's are family. And he didn't follow through. Then he turned it around and made it out that YOU are to blame for this fight. He's not only immature, he's irresponsible and a pain in the ass. He must be good in the sack, for you to still be with him. That was rude. Sorry. I'd be pissed, too. Just because he is your SO and not your husband, if he uses that as an excuse, IS no excuse. You live as a married couple. You both should act as such. And as a family since you have one. You are asking for one day. ONE day.
    You have a few options, actually. 1. Ask for a written contract. 2. Totally ignore him, act not hurt. 3. When he finally does decide to spend a Sunday with you, go out by yourself and leave him home with the kids. 3. Leave him. 4. Go to counseling if he will even go. GL!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:01 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • He's clearly being selfish. He needs to grow up and realize family comes first.
    I had to get my.. Excuse me .. I am still getting my husband to realize this.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:14 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

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