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13 Bumps

How do I re-energize my marriage?

I love him. He loves me. We have three kids, 4 and under. He works quite a lot. We're both tired all the time. Our relationship has gotten very dull. I feel like a live-in nanny. I don't even know how he feels. I still get a little zing when he touches me, so I think there is still plenty of hope. How do we connect again?

Answer Question
 
Hazelnutkin

Asked by Hazelnutkin at 4:20 PM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,126 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • A. Take massage classes together.
    B. Send indecent texts.
    SabrinaBean

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 4:22 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I think it's easy for everything to become entirely centred around children, work, finances and any other everyday issues you can think about, especially once you've been together for a while and things have become very comfortable. Just think about things that you used to do, maybe if you could get a babysitter for a night you could go out and do some of the things you used to do. Or just stay in and make things special again... Hahaha. Surprise him!
    SarahBel

    Answer by SarahBel at 4:23 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Find time where you can go out on a date. I know money is really tight these days, but I have found that when DH and I go out to a very rare night out to dinner, it really helps! We've gone out to Applebees where you can get 2 Entrees and 1 app for $20! :) I think Chiji's has some new special like that too.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 4:24 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • You treat each other (with in reason with the new limitations of a family) like you did when you first got together.

    Those "zings" those hot and in love feelings that couples feel in a relationship. Happen because the people in the relationship are actively working to make each other feel those things. Once marriage and family happens, many couples hit a period where those things are no longer happening, and the marriage because dull, stagnent feeling, and the people in the relationship feel as if they have lost those "in love" feelings for one another. Those feelings can be recaptures, reignited with action. Show one another that you love each other the way you say you do. Flirt with one another, gaze into one another's eyes, touch one another (remember back when he would walk by you and just run a hand across your shoulder an you tingled all over... that type of touching), spend time together just the two of you. cont
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:25 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Spend time focused on just the two of you.. Yes the dailies and life, can get in the way. It's happened to most all of us at some point and time. Especially if you've been married a long time (I've been married 25 years now.. lol.. so trust me, I understand how life can just happen and interfere with a marriage.. lol).

    Even if you guys just take 10-15 minutes at night, after the kids go to be, just to be a man and woman again. Do it.. Even that small amount of time, where just the two of you and your relationship is the focus (no talk of work, kids, bills, ect..) can make a big difference in a marriage. The more you guys make time for just the two of you, the more you will start reconnecting. And if both of you really put the effort into making each other's hearts spark, before long you guys will be like happy newlyweds all over again .
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:28 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • find a babysitter....go on date...rent hotel/motel room after date and have some hot crazy sex....have fun.....get kids....go home.....spend the day together just you 2...send the kids to grandmas or aunts house.....
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 4:30 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I sent my husband a text while he was at work yesterday "i want you, You choose where but not the bed room" It made him think about me all day and after our son was in bed we had fun on the kitchen table and in the chairs.

    The little changes in ruetine can make a big difference. Once in a while i will leave him a note in the pants he lays out for work with either just i love you's or sext messages.

    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 4:30 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I would go on dates like before tell him to make sometime for us.
    Maybe put the kids to bed early and have a little us time u know what I mean.
    Try doing something that ya like to do for example he like to go clubing I like to go to movies so one week we go to the club and the next week we go to the movie...Good luck
    elisabellaguna

    Answer by elisabellaguna at 4:33 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Me and my ex-husband had the same problem...we couldn't get it back though. My SO now...here are some things we do...
    We write each other a note every morning and leave it where the other will find it...EVERY MORNING (M-F).
    We text throughout the day...just to keep in touch, or sexy gestures/suggestions.
    We kiss EVERY time we are leaving one another...and I mean a REAL kiss.
    We will take 5 or 10 minutes when we get off work (not every day) to sneak off and make-out...keeps you in suspense for later.
    We wake up 1/2 hour early every day to have sex before we start our day.
    We take the kids to my moms, rent a movie to watch, and then have sex.
    These are some I can think of...hope they help.
    Oh, and we cook dinner together and clean the kitchen together every night.
    niknik78

    Answer by niknik78 at 4:46 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • You need a date night!!! See if someone can keep your kids for the night or even for a little while!!! Go out and have a good time...if you can't afford to go out cook some dinner together rent some movies and settle down and have some time for you and your hubby!!!
    melissaaytes

    Answer by melissaaytes at 4:49 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

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