Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my friend is having problems and this is what she wrote me, how do you think she should handle it?

Okay, so my ex, Collin's father, has a new girlfriend. I have never met her. He called about half an hour ago and said "I'm coming over tomorrow with Kati(gf) to pick Collin up and we're going to my apartment." Keep in mind, he hasn't come around for 3 weeks to the day tomorrow. First of all, is it unreasonable that I don't want my son around this chick? Second, is it unreasonable that I won't let him take Collin to his apartment overnight, no less with this girl?

Answer Question
 
KelsoBabeyy

Asked by KelsoBabeyy at 2:21 AM on Oct. 10, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I don't think I would let my child go stay over night with a father who hasn't come by for 3 weeks much less stay over night with the new girlfriend that I don't know at all.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • i agree with the above, but the poo would hit the fan if she pulled that on him when he comes to get the boy. they need to have some guidelines ahead of time. no SO spending the night when the boy is there (sucks, but whats good for one needs to be good for the other) or however they want to do it. it needs to be done ahead of time. but then again, if he hasnt seen his kid in 3 weeks, he probably isnt the most reasonable, responsible, or dependable guys around..IMO
    ivelostmyself

    Answer by ivelostmyself at 2:27 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • i would be really mad. Not because he has a new girlfriend but because he hasnt been around for 3 weeks yet just expects he can come over and grab Collin whenever its convenient for him. If i were you, i would tell him you were busy or something and say you need to let me know when you want to see Collin and not just expect to keep him whenever you like. Tell him if he wants to spend time with Collin you guys need to work out a schedule of some sort, and he needs to follow it not choose when he wants to see his son. Also, let him know that he is more than welcome to spend time with Collin, but you dont feel comfortable leaving him overnight just yet. And when he says well im his dad,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • say well then you should understand what i mean being his dad you wouldnt want him to spend the night with someone who he doesnt see that often right? and stand your ground on it. if he says okay and spends the day with him and then doesnt bring him home tell him your going to call the cops. [but i wouldnt only say that if the situation arises] As far as his girlfriend tell him flat out, you dont know this girl, you dont want your son to be spending time with her when you dont know her at all and dont trust her. If she is there when he goes to pick her up, dont let him take him. thats what i would do...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • idk why i put that anon but thats what i told her does that seem reasonable??
    KelsoBabeyy

    Answer by KelsoBabeyy at 2:30 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • If there is a court order regarding visitation, she doesn't really have any say so at this time. If the gf is a serious part of her ex's life, she should be introduced to the child.

    I don't know the whole situation, but it kind of sounds like maybe your friend is bitter.
    MommaLucy

    Answer by MommaLucy at 6:52 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • When your friend became an "ex" she lost the right to control his life and who he sees. Having a girfriend is not injurous to a child. She frankly just sounds jealous because all she cares about is that the kid isn't around THAT WOMAN and especially if she's spending the night. THAT is all she's trying to avoid going by her questions.

    That the dad missed a visitation isn't one of her questions or concerns, she just ads that in to bolster why the kid shouldn't be around the girlfriend.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 10:00 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • i agree with avarah. I have a son with a different father & he had a girlfriend (& now they're married)- but like avarah said, when your friend became the ex, she lost the right to say who he does & doesn't see. If there's a court order for his father to see his son - she has no say in that either. She has to obey the law. If there's not a court order for visitation, she needs to get one immediately. Without one, she could risk losing her son to him for the same reason she's blaming him for...otherwise, this "chick" is now an extension of your friend's son's father - same as she was when she got pregnant with her son!! It's no different! Maybe have this new girl over for a while - get to know her. Obviosuly you don't need to be friends with her, but it is nice to know at least a little bit about who her son will be spending his time with other than his dad!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Does she have specified visitation rights spelled out? They need to be followed to the letter. That may mean she needs to suck it up about the girlfriend, depending upon the reason he hasn't been around. (Business travel? Illness?)

    She needs visitation spelled out precisely.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:01 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • As far as her not wanting their son around the new gf, if either 1 of them (meaning the ex bf & hs gf) have never done ne thing 2 ur son, put him in a harmful situation, talked bad about u 2 him then she really has no reason 2 not let him around his son. Jealousy won't stand up in court as far as her reason 4 not wanting the new gf 2 b around her son.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 11:52 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN