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3 Bumps

what's the purpose

my problem is for years my man has been very negative about the subject of marriage. when i say negative i mean negative. when it comes to this subject we argue about everything from the ceremony to the ring. to him everything is bullshit. now after all these years of being with me he wakes up one day and has an ephiphany that he wants to get married. i've known this man for 14 years. my attitude is i don't trust it. i mean why after all these years what's so different now. i'm still the same person i was 14 years ago. now he tries to use the points i made about marriage to him to me. and when he does i bring up all the negative shit he bought up about marriage. the other day the subject came up again and do you know he had the nerve to say " when we get married don't tell nobody". HUH? what's the purpose, are you ashamed of me if so just leave me alone.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 AM on Aug. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • He sounds to me that maybe he opened his eyes to a few things. But I would tell you he sounds like an ass and if i am gonna marry someone I am gonna tell the WORLD and that's what I get what you would like to do. I would really give him two choices marry me and we spend our lives together or leave and don't look back when you realize you just lost the best women in the world. GL momma

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:07 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • o wow im feeling for you,,, i want to say to you just let the feelings flow, some men dont catch on until later but then they do mean it... i believe u shud listen to him and get ready to share a very special moment in your lives... GOOD LUCK TO YOU...
    Patientchild3

    Answer by Patientchild3 at 4:40 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • OMG is he serious
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 4:46 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • He may have started talking about it when you stopped talking about it. Having said that, don't understand at all why he wants to keep it a secret. What's his problem?????? And it sounds like he has one to me.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 5:00 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Youve invested 14 yrs of your life w/ this man. Thats plenty of time to get married. If he really had this epiphany, then why not go all the way & have the wedding you've talked about all these yrs. Why hide it? That's just absurd! Something isnt right here. I think you know what you need to do-difficult as it may be. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:31 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • It sounds to me as though he is using reverse psychology on you, that he is bluffing. And it is working. The more he urges, the more you refuse. If you want to get married, then call his bluff. I suspect he'll waffle around. So now is your chance if you want to marry him.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:36 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Some men are really focused on the feelings of their friends and family. Maybe they are completely against him marrying you and he still wants to look "cool" in their eyes but also take that step with you at the same time. It could be that he is feeling that he is being put in the middle of you and his friends and family. There are a lot of people out there that criticize men for getting married calling them "whipped" and all sorts of negative words if you get my drift. Maybe hes trying to avoid that.
    missthang42001

    Answer by missthang42001 at 8:03 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • I'm a little stunned that he wants to marry you but doesn't want to tell anyone? Are his motives insurance or taxes? That's the only thing that makes sense to me, but I'm still on my first cup of coffee.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:02 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • So for years he doesn't want to get married, then suddenly he does but doesn't want anyone to know?
    Sounds like he's trying to keep you for convience and still leave the door open for more. If he doesn't marry you, you'll most likely leave him, which means his back up is gone. But if he marries you, you'll stick around .. Yet if people know then his potentials won't be around. So if they don't know, if nobody knows then he can have his pick. That's what it sounds like to me. He sounds like a shady dog.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:21 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • he sounds like a asshole to me . seems like he wants to use & spend time with you at HIS convenience & if making you his WIFE is not in his plans ..why continue to stay with him ? i think you should know the right thing to do & i will admit it will be VERY very HARD but will only benefit you in the long run .
    ShOrTyC1986

    Answer by ShOrTyC1986 at 11:30 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

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