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3 Bumps

At a complete loss..

Last night I was lying down in bed all by myself when I realized it was pretty late. My husband came home from work at regular time showered ate, and then took off. He went fishing until 10:00 last night. When he came home he was on the computer the whole time.. Never the less I went to him and wanted to see his history on the computer (when I was walking into the living room he was clicking frantically). He refused to show me what he was looking at, I even said that if he didn't show me I would leave him. He didn't seem to be affected and never showed me. What would you do? We have had problems in the past also with infidelity (many moons ago), but I am so upset that whatever it was he was looking at he couldn't bare to show me... he deleted all the history right in front of me So I can't retrace his steps =-(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 AM on Aug. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • o wow sometimes we dont want to hear or even believe it for that matter but he may just be cheating again...
    Patientchild3

    Answer by Patientchild3 at 5:11 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Ya I'd be hut but I wouldn't leave . I have soooooooooo many problems with my husband but all that I do is give him a dissicion qnd hope that he makes the right ones . Ya sometimes it gets old but I look at my ring and think of what it means and I remeber what I said to him "for better or for worse"

    GL
    jmcwilly

    Answer by jmcwilly at 5:15 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Well it sounds to me that your hubby is up to NO GOOD. So you need to do something about it right away. Tell him you know that he is up to no good and you will get to the bottom of and until you do you think that you two need to separateand look into getting some professional help If he wants to come then great and let him know that you want to save this marriage but in a marriage there should NEVER EVER BE SECRETS even in a serious relationship. GL to you I hope all works out for good for you.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 5:16 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • For sure he's doing something he doesn't want you to know about. Without trust and honesty I really don't know how a relationship can and will survive. Good luck hon.......

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 5:16 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Huge red flag. There are nanny programs you can put on the computer to find out what it is he was looking at. But, I would make good on your threat and leave him. If he is unwilling to share something with you that vehemently, it doesn't really matter what it is, he's not being a good partner. Not saying you should leave him forever, but I would show him I mean business and demand couple or family therapy as well as confession of whatever he was looking at. If it was that bad, I would also be concerned about the content though... what if it was pornography of the type that is harmful to someone, animals, children, etc or if he is being unfaithful again, what about disease?
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:59 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • I'd be careful. I hate to say it but once a cheater always a cheater. I'd try to talk some more.
    mollgirl

    Answer by mollgirl at 6:28 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Could it be that he is embarrased by what you may have seen? I get that he has possibly cheated before, talk to him open minded and in a calm manner. Ask him where you could improve in the relationship, try not to get offended. Voice concern is basically what I'm getting at and let him know that you want to believe that he is being faithful to the relationship but with stunts like that it is kinda hard.
    oh and BTW I've heard there is a program you can install on your computer that saves all visited sites ect.. even if it is deleted from history. Good luck. Therapy could also help but you both have to want it.
    heidi37217

    Answer by heidi37217 at 6:41 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Sounds to me like the leopard didnt change his spots! There should be no secrets in a marriage-period! Even if he was looking at porn or something, he sould fess up, not hit the delete button w/out an explanation. Dont put up w/ it or you will regret it. You deserve to be treated w/ both love & respect. If he not willing to do that, then out he goes! I would never tolerate abuse or cheating & can't understand why anyone would. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:24 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • He is cheating. What else could he be doing, that he can't show you? We women don't like accpeting the truth sometimes. I hope I don't sound mean here. If so, I don't intend too. Some men are serial cheaters. One woman is rarely enough for many men. I will not say all men are that way, but the number is high. They always think the grass is greener on the other side. Women are at fought to for their competing nature to make another woman feel incompetent. Anyone that doesn't have to deal with the same man on a daily basis has the time to dress to impress when he comes around. For instance I hate when women say, " if you had done your job he wouldn' have come to me." Yet the only thing she does is have sex with hime. You are the one who has gone through everything with him and stuck by his side through good and bad. I'd say seperate yourself from him and find out whats best for you. Don't be hasty about your actions.
    Godswk

    Answer by Godswk at 7:58 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • 2nd part... Don't have sex with him. Your life is at risk . Everyone in a relationships deserves to know what their partner is doing. He could change your life depending on what the other person is involved in. He doesn't care much about you to continue to hurt you in this way. He thinks you will not leave which is why he continues to have his cake and eat it too. I'm not advocating leaving, but if I were you I'd seperate and get "You" together. Whatever he is doing he will do when you leave. You can't control him and being in his life watching his obvious infidelity isn't healthy. Good luck.
    Godswk

    Answer by Godswk at 8:03 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

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