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Husband went for motorcycle ride at 9pm, didnt come home until 4:30am.. adult content

His friend was having a big party for his birthday last night, and hub & I agreed we didnt feel like going.. Then he went for a bike ride, and decided to stop by the party. I called him around 2am to see where he was, when he was coming home, and he said he was at the party and was leaving in 5 minutes. I asked him if he had been drinking (he drinks alot, and he knows I dont like him drinking while driving) & He said he 'only' had 3 beers. But knowing how he is, he cannot just drink 3 and stop, hes gotta get drunk once he starts. So, needless to say, he didnt leave in 5 minutes. & He came home at 4:30am drunk, and went straight to the bedroom and went to sleep w/out saying anything to me. Now I am mad at the fact he didnt tell me he was going to this party and was gonna stay, bc I was invited and thought that we both agreed to not go, now if I had known he was going I would have called the babysitter and we couldve

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Aug. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I would totally go to the party without him. Don't even try to wake him up. I'm sure he was aware of it. And just like "caseyandkids" said, whenever anyone asks, tell them exactly why he is not there. If you aren't going to leave this guy, you should get as many family members as possible involved. They will start hounding him about drinking too, and they will help support you. You don't want to feel completely alone...which is likely what you are feeling if he is coming straight home and drinking. Once they start drinking, you are alone even if they are right beside you.
    I spent about a year telling my ex how I felt about his drinking, lack of communication, and lack of involvement with the family and me. He didn't listen. I went to family members for help, and got no support or help. He came home from work one day, and we were gone. I never looked back. Keep trying, but don't be surprised if you find your just fed up soon.
    niknik78

    Answer by niknik78 at 10:04 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • He drove drunk? That's disgusting. He could have killed himself - or much worse, someone else.

    You can't make him quit, he has to want that for himself. But you can refuse to enable the behavior.

    As for today, go without him and enjoy yourself. And I wouldn't be making excuses for him either - if anyone asks why he's not there, I'd tell them he's sleeping off an episode of binge drinking.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 9:48 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • I would be upset for the same reasons as you are - and really upset that he drive a motorcycle drunk. Have you talked to him about his drinking? Does he see it as a problem? I'm sorry, I dated a mean obnoxious drunk once and it wasn't fun.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:36 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • I would let his drunk ass sleep all day and miss the party. You don't need to cover for him, let them know exactly why he isn't with you. He will not quit unless something drastic happens. Have you thought about leaving him until he can get his sh*t together? As long as everything stays the same and there are no consequences for his actions, he will continue with this behavior. Sorry you are going through this, good luck to you:)

    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 10:15 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • If he has already tried AA and dropped out, he won't change without a major wake up call and maybe not even then. My DH was doing what yours is. He would go out after work a minimum of 3 times per week, his buddies would call on the weekends too and he'd be out the door, and I would not see until between 1:00 and 4:30 the next morning. I tried to get his family involved. They are all like that too though so no help there. The last time he did it, I waited until he sobered up and told him the drinking and running around all night was over. If it happened one more time he might as well not bother coming home because me and our son would be moving back in with my parents. Probably not the best time ever being a SAHM and I had no money to my name but I knew my parents would help me with my son so I could get a job. He has toned it down but I am going to school to get a good job so if he starts up again, me and the kids are gone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Alcoholism is an illness. He needs help and so do you. If he refuses to get help, go for yourself. Here is a link for Al Anon.  I hope it helps. 


    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/


     

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:24 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • cont.
    caught a cab, and done it the right way. I dont know how I should feel right now, Im so tired of him drinking all the time, nearly every night. & As soon as he gets off work, he runs straight to his garage to work on cars, or rides his motorcycle (which he usually wouldnt do while drinking).. Ive explained to him many time that I cant stand his drinking, bc he cant control himself, and gets very obnoxious when drunk.. But he doesnt seem to care what I say... What should I do, what should I think?? So confused.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:32 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Try to get him in to Alcoholics Anonymous. He obviously has a drinking problem, and is not being a good role model for his children. Good luck!
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 9:34 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • well best thing is not to fight about it all day. go do something enjoyable, he'll sleep most of the day away anyways and there will be more parties to attend. chin up enjoy the day
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 9:36 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • He went about 2 years ago, and did good for a few months.. Then it started off as just drinking when we got out with friends, then got to just drinking on the weekend, and eventually got back into drinking 4,5,6 days a week. His Father was an alcoholic as well. & He quit for a while bc of a DUI, but is also drinking again. No matter how many times I tell him I dont like it when he does it, it just goes through one ear and out the other...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:37 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

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