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4 Bumps

Domestic violence and a two year old

Well my husband and i started arguing and he decided to flip over the mattress my daughter (3months) and i were on. She was in my arms, but we flew off and hit the dresser, both resulted in bruises to the both of us. He than hit the door and left a huge whole. than left. I had called the cops he was arrested at 9 am in the morning. He is now being charged with a felony and two misdomeaners. He was the only on making income since i am a full time student. I had to give up my apartment and move into my mothers house. I have just been extremly overwhelmed and everyday my son asks where's daddy and is he coming home soon. I have been just telling him he's at work because i dont know how to handle that. I am now penny less and husband less. Idk what to do :( i need advice and or support in this time. My daughter is young thankfully she wouldn't remember this but now im not sure what to do....

Answer Question
 
shorty_18

Asked by shorty_18 at 1:00 PM on Aug. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (334 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • There are probaly a lot of places in your area you can go to help you out in all kinds of ways. Where I live, we have a woman's refuge. They are absolutly wonderful. Look and ask around..... And don't go back to him!!! He'll do it again and it may be worse.
    CarlyCo

    Answer by CarlyCo at 1:03 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Take it one day at a time. Go get on what ever type of assistance you qualify for. If you continue with your schooling then find a part time night job and ask your parents or friends if they will help with baby sitting. Also apply for Child Care services that way if your parnets want to get paid then the state will help you out there.
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 1:04 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • I am sorry you are going thru this. I know it is rough, but you did the right thing.
    You do not have to tell your son what happened, he is at the age he would not understand. I would just say that his Dad loves him, but some grown up things are causing him not to be able to see him right now.
    Then go into couseling yourself.
    Also, file for child support and see what other benefits you qualify for. Be strong. You have gone this far, you should be proud of yourself.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 1:06 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • There are quite a few shelters that are ok to go to. They give you free laundry, food, bed's, clothes, diapers etc. Dont feel ashamed to go there. They will help you get a home, job, child care and more. You can even see a counselor they help. I know that people talk bad about them but they help! I have been seeing one and I never thought that I would be cause they are dumb but they are not. To have some random person to just vent on knowing they wont tell any one else that makes things easy. If you want you can add me I have been where you are and am willing to converse with you on the subject.
    agriffinmom4

    Answer by agriffinmom4 at 1:07 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Your local DHS should be able to help you find out what types of services you qualify for (food stamps, medicaid, Housing assistance....etc) Some areas or states offer childcare assistance where they will pay for your daycare so that you can continue and complete your schooling. Good luck to you.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 1:09 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • thank you everyone. one more question. How can he be ordered to pay child support if he'll be spending about a year in jail? not sure how that would work?
    shorty_18

    Comment by shorty_18 (original poster) at 1:10 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Hugs to you. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I would not tell your son anything other than daddy cares about him but right now you have to live at grandma's. He won't understand anything, he just knows he is missing daddy. Thank your mom for caring because this is affecting her to. Contact PA and see what you qualify for, file for child support. Message me as much as you need to. I have been where you are and will listen to you. It is going to be rough for a while but you handled it properly. Kudos to you for having the backbone, belief in yourself and love for your children not to continue to expose all of you to the abuse.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 1:12 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Actually, children in infancy often exhibit PTSD symptoms after domestic violence outbursts, and many times for the rest of their lives. They may not be able to recall why - or they may - but they are often suffering even when they can't express why.

    You did the right thing, calling the police. If you hadn't done something, you could be charged with failure to protect.

    Be honest with your son. Just tell him "Daddy doesn't live here" instead of making up lies about being at work (or he'll keep expecting him to come home from work).
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 2:51 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Let him rot in jail, and you get out of there because he will make bail. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you really need to get out of there, or issue a protective order on him to stay away. I hate hearing any type of stories on domestic abuse, especially when it involves a child.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 8:11 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • Pls pls check out my group Domestic 911 and message me anytime. I have been in an abusive relationship and love to talk to others about it and help them cope.
    courtneyrogers

    Answer by courtneyrogers at 10:18 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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