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Step Parent Adoption

I need some advice on how to go about explaining to my 8 year old son the process we are about o go through. My husband, who has been with me since my son was 1, is going to adpot him. My son knows only him as his Dad, with the adpotion, his last name will change. I know we have to tell him the circumstances surrounding the adpotion, but I just don't know how to go about it. I need advice on opening up to him to where he will understand. I don't want him to think that there was ever something wrong with him. Has anyone gone through this before. Any advice is greatly appreciated.Please no bashing.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Oct. 10, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (5)
  • I'm in the same situation myself rite now. My older 2 (9&10) children have the same father but my husband now has raised them 4 the last 8 yrs. we've been 2gether. They know their BF but they've called my husband daddy since ny son (my oldest) was about 18 mo. I don't think there's any easy way 2 explain this 2 them other than keeping it short, simple & age appropriate (by that I mean when u feel he's ready 2 understand). I think the most importang though is 2 reassure that it's not that his BF doesn't love him or care about him ne less, but (if he's not a positive influence on his life) he has somethings in his life he needs 2 work out b4 he can be the kind of dad ur son deserves (@ least that's what we told my son). This way, he won't feel abandoned or that he doesn't deserve a daddy. U could also try ur local library 2 find a couple books on adoption 2 help him understand it a little better.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:28 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • I just checked out Amazon.com & they have quite a few books on adoption 4 children. Hope this helps!
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:35 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Well, I don't know how we are going to connect with both of us being anonymous. My 1st husband died while I was pg. I remarried before my child turned two. She was officially adopted before starting school, but used the new last name from the time I remarried. I have additional children who understand that they wouldn't be here if another man hadn't died. We stay in contact with multiple sides of the families. My kids have always known. Honesty is the best policy. (contd)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Your first concern has to be explaining to him why he is getting a new last name and doing it well enough that he will be able to explain it to others. Because the kids at school will ask. What does he know now? Does he have any friends who have gone through something like this? Does he have any friends whose parents are divorced? Does he know that when women marry they usually change their names? Tell him Bible stories about name changes Abrham to Abraham, Saul to Paul. And adoptions such as Moses and Jesus. Speak to his teacher, maybe she can introduce the subject separate from your situation. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • better at age 8 then in his teens. just let him know his name will change because he's going to have his daddy's name.
    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 8:16 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

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