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How do I get my 11 yr old to care?

My 11 yr old daughter just has this I don't care attitude. School started two weeks ago & has already turned in homework late. Even doing home chores. She's in the 6th grade. How do I get across to her that she needs to care about school & her grades. She's actually become involved in pep squad & wants to play sports. She knows the no pass, no play. She doesn't fail - she just doesn't apply herself. Help...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Aug. 28, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • I know with my son I had to back off. I forgot that he was getting older and wanted to start having some freedoms. So now instead of harping on him I ask, "Do you have homework" if he says yes I say okay "Don't forget you have this tonight so you better get it done" and then I leave it at that. I don't constantly get on his case about it and I say you are old enough to remember or you want to be able to this so show me you are responsible enough for it.

    I also agree with the positive reinforcement. Instead of always looking at the negative they do reward them for the good.
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 5:27 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • How ever you do it they have to think it is their idea. Because really it is them using free will. The talk is simple if you have a kid who cares about letting you down.
    The reason we procrastinate is because were putting off something that is difficult--if this is the problem get help now. If it is really 'oh I just left it at home'. Then check her home work to make sure it is done and in her back pack every night or am.
    You know your kid what works well with her? One kid takes bribes another needs praise. For goodness sake don't use threats that are pointless. If your child has a problem doing ever thing wrong then start noticing when they do some thing correct. "wow you took out the trash right after I asked you. That makes my life so much easier".. Stupid stuff like making them feel appreciated is helpful. You get more help from a happy person.
    We have the talk, you getting older now and more is expected from u.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:22 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • I wish I knew how to help, I'm going through the same thing with my 10yr ds. I bumped your question to help you out. GL!!
    sheli2007

    Answer by sheli2007 at 9:15 PM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • sounds like puberty is starting... he's gonna be a teen soon and if ya thought he doesn't give a hoot now... oh boy :) get ready
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:18 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • My daughter has a friend that sounds like your daughter. She is a smart kid, but just won't apply herself. They actually encourage her to hang around my daughter in hopes that she will be a positive role model. I know they had her in tutoring over the summer. School starts on Wednesday so we will see. It sounds to me like your daughter needs help with organization as well. Maybe give her one folder for all completed assignments so she will remember to turn them in. She may need you to really stay on top of her when she does her homework. As mean as it sounds I would tell her no fun activities if she can't keep up her grades. School is her job.
    jcm62497

    Answer by jcm62497 at 8:10 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Have you tried giving her incentives to turn her homework in on time or apply herself to get good grades? Maybe if she turns her homework in every day on time for a month you'll buy her an outfit or those really nice shoes she wants?

    You can also try the turn it in on time or feel the consequence of not! Grounding, not allowing her to do pep squad (although this may cause her to get angry and just rebel).

    Talk to her as well though, maybe there is something more going on to why she just doesn't care! Is it trying to impress people at school? Does she not like her teacher / teachers ? Is she in a new school where none of her friends from 5th grade went ?
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 12:32 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I'd suggest talking to her to find out why all of the sudden she's feeling the need to slack off I guess. Maybe something is bothering her and putting in a depressed state so to speak, so she just doesn't want to do anything. Maybe she feels like she doesn't need to do it...
    I would start there, my goal is to teach my children the importance to every thing in their life - cause and effect...IE: why you go to school, how you're grades impact your immediate future (sports/pep squad) and long term future (college, scholarships, jobs).
    Chores are pretty much the same way.
    I lay down the expectation - knowing they are different for each of my children and then stand firm with consequences. I'd suggest taking a few mother daughter days and talking more, setting the expectations and boundaries.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:23 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

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