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I believe marriage should be a compromise... am I wrong?

My friend believes that it is her right to tell her husband what to do. And he listens. She has made him quit jobs, and everything because she doesn't like them. He works 2 jobs while she stays at home with her kids (ages 13+) and feels that she should make all of his decisions... If that's how they like things, fine. But today she told me that I needed to tell my husband to man up and get a REAL job. My husband is Army. I think that is a real job... and I feel that since he is the one working he should be able to decide what he wants to do... just as I will be doing when I go back to work... Am I wrong?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Oct. 10, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • #1 How DARE she say anything like that about any man in the armed forces? Not a real job...WTF. If that was my husband she was talking about, she would no longer be considered my friend. F that.

    #2 Yes, marriage, or any form of a relationship, is (or should be) a compromise. I think she is wrong to treat her husband like that, but if HER husband can't MAN UP and get a REAL JOB and needs to work 2 to support his family, then that's their business.

    #3 No, you are absolutely not wrong. Kudos to you, and thank you for supporting our men in arms in the best way you can (by being a wife and mother to his children).
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:12 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • who does she think she is??? the Army IS a real job, it's not like dh is risking his life! ok i had to get that off my chest...my dh is Army too. as for what she's doing, i don't see why her dh is taking this. if i were to tell my dh what to do, he'd look at me like i'd gone crazy. you're right, marriage is a compromise, it's not a thing where one person is in charge of the other. she's acting like she's his mother when she does that, i'm surprised he isn't noticing this.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 3:18 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Yes, the husband is supposed to be the head of the household, but that doesn't necessarily mean he tells you what to do. it means that you talk about things together, but if it's a major thing, like his job is making him move (like we army wives know about very well) you talk about it together, and he evaluates what is best for the family (civilians anyway, military dont' really have a choice...lol) and in the end, he's really the one to make the decision. If the wife has a problem with it, and decides not to go, then i guess she didn't mean it when she said her vows. It's for better or worse, not "leave when things get bad". this is IMO!
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 3:18 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • This lady sounds like a control freak and i really doubt that the husband is very happy being emasculated by her. don't let what they do affect how you feel what marriage is about. i encourage and give views on what is going on with my husband but i tell him all the time that i appreciate him and love that we are together. she doesn't seem to ever be happy with what she has. that is sad cause no matter how much they gain she will never be happy enough. having money or valuables doesn't give you true happiness. having a loving marriage and a great family is the greatest blessing.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:20 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • i too am an ARMY WIFE and proud of it and proud of my husband he just returned home from IRAQ in may he was gone a year ..... i would not be friends with anyone who talked bad about my husband or his career choice ..... tell her to get loss....you dont need her as a friend.....
    nanawanda

    Answer by nanawanda at 3:30 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Ten years from now, this same friend will be miserable and by herself IF her dh doesn't wake up and see her for what she really is, " a control freak" He'll eventually get tired of her and find someone who can bring it to the plate like he does. As far as her telling you what to do in your marriage, ignore her. What works for her doesn't necessarily mean in will work for you. You can tell her I said that!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:48 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • the man IS NOT the head of the household....meaning now days both work to make a living and COMPROMISE is right! even if the wife doesn't work, the man may bring in the money but, the woman takes care of the home, kids, etc. (or at least that's the way it should be). But, also the man shouldn't take advantage and say " since he's dong the working the woman does all the rest including picking up after him" DON'T THINK SO! It's all about compromise and what works best for one couple may not be right for another.
    mommydearest70

    Answer by mommydearest70 at 3:50 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Marriage is 50/50 both have to make the deissions togeather, when the man and woman say I DO that dosen't mean the woman become the boss and the husband becomes the slave driver. and who put this woman on a pitistole anyways someone needs to bring her back to earth and teach her how to repect her husband. And have you ever throught he may like taking orders from her? Im not trying just take one side and go on about it there has to two side of this she may be telling her how she see things and how she feels. there are lots of that goes on..
    coolmom2805

    Answer by coolmom2805 at 3:55 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Your friend will be divorced when her husband meets a woman who shows him respect and treats him like a person. She is wrong. Marriage is a partnership. My husband and I make decisions together. Living with a tyrant like your friend cannot be much fun.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • I would be tellling the bossy control freak to keep her nose out of my business.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:29 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

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