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12 Bumps

how do i move foward?

i gave my son up for adoption and i havent been happy for a year now i cant move foward and im stuck in the past. and now im about to have another baby please help someone

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paigiemarie

Asked by paigiemarie at 2:58 AM on Aug. 29, 2010 in Adoption

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Hugs, I can relate to your situation. My dd gave up her son for adoption and his birthday is next week. I fully supported her choice and she is okay with her choice, too. She was the victim of date rape at age 15 years old. I know this does not ease your hurt, but know that the choice you made was the best one for your child at that time.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 3:01 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Do you know who adopted your son? Are they open to communication with/from you?
    blessedwithree

    Answer by blessedwithree at 3:13 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am not sure if you know about the birthmom group on Cafemom, but that may be the best place for you to find some help.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 7:31 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Do you see a counselor? I have never given a baby up for adoption, but I can certainly see how there would be lingering pain associated with it. To move forward you should work on healing that first. A support group is a great idea, a therapist/counselor is a great idea too. It's not my position to tell you whether or not to have another baby, but it will probably only mask the pain for a little while. Best wishes, and good luck. :)
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 8:29 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I'm sorry for the pain you must be suffering giving up a child. I'm sure you did this for the LOVE you had for the child to have a better life, so dwell on that. You should be commended for being able to give your child up for adoption, I'm not sure I could be that strong. I would seek some kind of therapy if you can't move on as this will be an ongoing hurtful memory for you without it. .
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:49 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • There is probably support groups somewhere in your area or online. I was adopted, myself. I've met my family, though. You did what you felt best for your child. And there's a chance when your baby becomes an adult they might want to meet you. Be sure and keep the agency informed as to your whereabouts in case your son wants to get in touch with you. And this new baby is not a replacement for the one you gave away. He or she has their own place in your life and family. You obviously weren't ready for a child at that time and to have kept your son would have been selfish. You did what you had to.
    L.A.F.outloud

    Answer by L.A.F.outloud at 2:06 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Firstly, I'm very sorry for you loss.


    Since your baby is only 15 months old, I'd hardly say you're stuck in the past, that's pretty present. You've lost a child, that's not an easy thing to get over. What you need is grief counselling and support. Where do you live? maybe we can point you towards a support group or a therapist that specializes in adoption issues. Regular therapists often have no idea about adoption related grief.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:19 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • HUGS MAMA I hope you start feeling better
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:43 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • My heart is breaking for you. I'm an adoptive mother of a 2.5 year old. I think about his birthparents Every single day. I'm so Thankful for the Amazing gift they gave us. Words can't even express our gratitude. Initially his birthparents didn't want any contact. But then he was born and the experience was so emotional and far more difficult then we all imagined. I created a site for them where I post pictures frequently so they can watch him grow. Are you able to contact the adoptive parents? That may help you heal. I know that a piece of their hearts will always be missing but I know that they're comforted by the fact that they made the right choice for them and for our son. I would also recommend some counseling┬áto help you sort through your emotions. I know the choice you made was really difficult. I commend your courage. I wish I could give you a hug. I hope the heartbreak heals.
    The3Vs

    Answer by The3Vs at 5:39 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • This is what i would do. I would go and find my son. I would definitely want him in my life. I would feel very guilty knowing I have a child out there. Go look for him, let him know who he really belong to. You sound like you really miss him. Take my advice, go to the courts and file a petition. Do you know how old he is by now? Was he taken at birth? Did you name him? If yes to all the above, then you have a great start. Go find your baby and let him know who his real mommy is. Its not too late, and from what I do know, if he's been adopted, then you may have a tough time locating him, but go talk to a family lawyer first. You still have rights, the only way you won't have rights is if the courts stripped you from them. May I ask why you placed him up for adoption?
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 9:21 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

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