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am i just being crazy. bonding with new baby after birth

my baby just turned one month. when i gave birth i tore only a little bit. no big tears at all, just a few small ones yet they insisted on sewing me and they took well over an hour because they were hurting me so i kept recoiling. i didn't get to hold my new baby until over an hour after she was born. they could have at least let me hold her while they were sewing me. the bonding of mother to child happens in the first half hour and my husband held her for that first half hour and i can clearly see that she feels closer to him. i play with her, give her kisses, tell her how much i love her yet she's clearly more content when she's with him and it makes me wanna cry. my husband thinks i'm being ridiculous and that she loves me and ik she does but i feel like she prefers him cause she bonded with him i crazy for feeling this way?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:37 AM on Aug. 29, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (18)
  • I think you're a little crazy... I didn't get to hold my twins until they were at least a day old and they bonded to me just fine. I didn't hold my oldest until she was 8 hours old and never had an issue. Whomever told you that bond only occurs in the first half hour is full of bull. She is a girl. I have rarely seen a little girl that didn't love her daddy. My girl twin would bawl her eyes out if I tried to hold her while her daddy was in the room. Doesn't mean she didn't love me or wasn't bonded to me... it meant she was a daddy's little girl from the minute she arrived. Not a darn thing wrong with that.

    Answer by Eris822 at 4:58 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I don't believe that bonding happens in the first half hour... I believe bonding takes time, for anyone. I think it's just the way you're feeling right now.. maybe you have a feeling of regret that you weren't able to hold her right away (which is understandable). But remember from birth that your baby recognizes your voice above all others, and it is said that babies also prefer their mother's faces over all others as well. Also - after my daughter was born she switched around a lot from being a mommy's girl, to a daddy's girl, and then back to a mommy's girl and so on. Your baby loves both of you very much - try to do things that includes all three of you together, and try not to let yourself feel left out or get discouraged!

    Answer by LaDanseuse at 5:02 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I understand that you are a little saddened by this because she seems to prefer your husband over you, although I will tell you this will change. My DD always wanted my husband when she was a baby. I am a SAHM so she was with me all day and when he got home she wanted no one else. This went on for ever and it still goes on. She likes sitting with him at night and usually wants him to put her to bed. I don't think you need to worry, just do the things you are doing. By the way my DD will be 9 and she still likes to sit with her daddy, although we have our special times as well.
    Show her love and play with her and don't worry.

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 5:14 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I think you are a little crazy for thinking likes this. But, at the same time I remember crying for weeks when my DD was like 5-6 months old cause I worked and she was home with daddy all day then he went to work at night so really she never knew he was ever gone cause by this time she was sleeping though the night so she went to bed before he left and she would still be sleeping by the time he got home most of the time.Yes bonding with your child in first half an hour is very important but taking as far as thinking that she prefers her father over you is crazy.Momma she loves you and she loves daddy. Daddy may do something that comforts her and you have something that comforts her.Momma trust me I learned this hard way and I went though a lot of tears and heart ache thinking this. What it came down to for me is that I felt very guilty for having to work so much and feeling left out cause her and daddy had all day 2-gether.


    Answer by raemommy at 5:19 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Keep your head up girl. Your baby loves you momma. I know how you feel and tell your hubby that it's very normal for a momma to feel like this. No matter how crazy it sounds.

    Answer by raemommy at 5:21 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Part of it is your hormones. It takes a while after birth for your hormones to return to normal.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 5:23 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • yup.. u are crazy ! my younger sister was 7 months premature when she was born. in VERY critical condition. so they had to put her in an incubator for over a month !! no one in my family including my mom got to touch her for 20 days. but that wasnt a problem. she has a pretty strong bond with my mom.
    also another example. i got to hold my son right after birth. but still he's more closer to his dad. loves it when his dad comes home from work or plays with him. so this has nothing to do with who picked him/her first. children are mostly closer to their dads. i guess its natural. when she gets older , she'll be even more closer to your DH. because kids like their dads better, reason because mostly dads let their children do whatever they want as mommy's are the ones who set the ground rules. atleast my parents were like that. i liked my dad over my mom when i was a kid ! :P now i love them both though :)

    Answer by cookie269 at 6:33 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I wondered about this myself. When my dd was born, immediately after her birth I went into some type of seizure and her daddy held her first. After I was stabilized, and the hospital was evacuated, I only got to see my dd almost 12 hours later. Once I held her to me, she just snuggled up and we bonded then. With my son, they whisked him off to the NICU and when the doctor said I could get up and walk and take a shower, I then went down and met my son. He was about 8 hours old, but it was over 24 hours before I could hold him. My son and I bonded very well after that. 


    Answer by Joeygoat at 7:16 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I think you are focusing too much on the thought that you didn't get to hold her and bond with her that you AREN'T allowing yourself to do so now. And she probably sense your fear and anxiety over this.
    My oldest son was born slightly premature and therefore the NICU team was right that and took him away to check him out fully before I was allowed to see him. It was about an hour before he was brought back to me and declared that he was fine. I never thought that I might not bond with him because I had held him and we are just fine.
    Please, forget this thought that because you didn't hold her for over an hour that you won't bond with her. I think if you get over this thought you will find she is just as bonded with you as she is with her daddy.

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:27 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I'm not going to say that I think you are crazy because I think you are having normals thoughts and anxiety that a lot of women feel. Especially only 4 weeks post...your hormones are what's crazy! lol I can't say that I agree with you that the bonding happens within the first hour though. My son had to be taken to the nursery immediately because I had him quicker than they expected so they had nothing ready. They pretty much just let me look at him and then he was gone. Give it some time. Honestly with both of my children, the first 2 months were the hardest on me and it just felt like I couldn't get it together. Things will get better! :)

    Answer by sheena696 at 8:32 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

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