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What do I do about my oldest son being bullied and harassed in school?

The other day I was walking with my son to library right after school. He is in 7 th grade. A boy that has been harassing my son had the nerve to come up to my son and say " I have been waiting to beat the h..l out of you" right in front of me. I reported it to the school, they said they would deal with it but last year when my son was pushed up and down the steps and being called every dirty name in the book the only thing the school did was send my son to the councelor. How can I trust the school to deal with the situation? My son has never done anything to the kid and barely knows him. My son is a good kid,respects all of his teachers,and wants to learn. My son is also a brown belt in karate and doesn't have to put up with it but also doesn't want to get in trouble either. Please give me some advice.

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tlc71372

Asked by tlc71372 at 9:49 AM on Aug. 29, 2010 in

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I would report it not only to the school BUT to the City/County School Board.

    Make the school aware, that while you do not condone violence, your son is trained in the martial arts and that he has your permission to defend himself if need be. Most schools have a zero tolerance on violence, but by no means should your son allow another kid to take a swing at him. He needs to block it, and walk away. Tell him to defend only BUT that if the situation escalates he has your premission to subdue this attacker - WITHOUT beating him up. He know the moves to drop him, without having to actually strike him.

    My son is a black belt and a student instructor and I have told him the same thing. We will work with the school, but if they do not handle it, and the bullying/abuse continues then you have to take steps to handle it on your own. Otherwise your sons emotional health and self esteem with be damaged
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:55 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Here's a quick story. My son too was bullied by a kid in school. And the kid said he was going to flush my sons bookbag down the toilet. Well he did try to flush my sons bookbag, but we all know its only going to get wet. The principal suspended the kid fo three days. That didn't really teach the child anything at all. It only made the child happy since the child didn't like school anyway. I needed a way to resolve this ongoing problem. Of course the whole thing was a jealousy issue right from the start. We'll anyway, my son ended up having to do a project with this child on top of all that had happened to him. His grade was riding on this child's participation. To make a long story short, my son wasn't about to wait for this child to do what was right, he did the project basically himself, and put both names on the project. They both got an A and the child stopped bothering him after that. True Story.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 9:58 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • This is an ongoing problem all around. It USUALLY starts at home, *&* unfortunately goes undelt with by the school system. In most cases they will have said child go to the councilor to 'talk', about any issues with another child. I think what the first women shared is so accurate! Good for you that you put your son in karate! I think I'll do that with my youngest when he's old enough. As for the other kid, he'll find someone else to pick on after your son, and it's all a vicious circle. I'd press on with the teacher of the other boy, (if you have the time.)This issue can tend to get worse before it gets better, one way or another. I'd say let your son defend himself, for sure!!!!

    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 10:04 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I had a boy bully my one step son. I called the teacher, the principal and the local cops (who said that since it was happening at school, they needed to take care of it). I finally told the principal that since they were not protecting my child, he now has my permission to protect himself. The principal said "Well, if he hits him back, he will get detention too. I said, the other child has not gotten detention once, so if my kid gets detention for retaliating, then the other boy better get detention too.
    The boy shoved, then punched my son, my son punched back. They both got detention and the other boy left my son alone after that.
    I would just make sure you follow those steps. Call the school at each incident, document those incidents and calls, then let the school know that since they are not doing their job, you son will now take care of himself.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:13 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Don't put up with it! The schools have a reputation for looking the other way until something horrible happens. I actually moved my son to a different school when this happened to him. He did great at the new school! He was stellar then and he's stellar now as a grown man!
    Gramma2Five

    Answer by Gramma2Five at 10:17 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Call the school, and tell them you want the police officer that's stationed there to assess the situation and press charges next time it happens. If they choose not to comply with your wishes and protect your child, you will be suing the school.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:19 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Equip your son with a digital button-cam and catch the bully on tape. Play the tape for the principal of the school. Sometimes, it takes hard evidence to convince people to do the right thing.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:23 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I agree with lovinangels... The school will more likely be on top of this if you start threatening a lawsuit. Be loud and be present, don't rest until they take you seriously. Call the school, go up there, just be a huge presence until they realize that you are not going away until they figure out how to make the school a safe place for your child to LEARN!! Nothing pisses me off more than a school bully that makes a child feel uncomfortable at school!
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 10:29 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Something similar happened to me and my son around the same age, I grabbed the kid by his shirt and put him up close to me and said to him: I know who you are and if you ever bother my son again I will report you to have you expelled from the school for being a bully, got it! I let go of his shirt and he ran away scared shitless, never again did he do it, and after that my son and the bully became friends, go figure??
    older

    Answer by older at 10:32 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • My son was being bullied in the worst way at school. We worked with the school to find a solution but eventually my son was expelled for committing and act to be accepted because the school refused to do anything. We went to the review board and the expulsion was dismissed but we pulled him from that school and transfered him to another one. This year, that school is closed due to many similar problems with administration and ongoing investigations. If you don't get satisfaction from the school take your complaint higher.
    t3dragonflies

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 10:42 AM on Aug. 29, 2010

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