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How do you cope with Stepkids handed everything all their lives?

I have 2 stepdaughters who were allowed their own way all their lives. Now they live with me and we have issues in my home.

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bmatiece

Asked by bmatiece at 12:26 PM on Aug. 29, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Well you did know this about them befor you married their father right?. You knew he spoiled them? You just deal with it and hope they go away soon.
    The more they ask for the more you ask for. If they are spending Daddies money like it is water, you do it to. When your DH says something to you about your spending habits. Say I spend no more then your DD's do.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:35 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • This is tough. It really depends on how strict their dad is with them and how supportive he will be with what you decide to do.

    It's your home so you have the right to not allow them to do things or use things in your home. They should respect you and your wishes if not they can go back to mommy dearest ! I know that sounds harsh but at what point do they be forced to realize they can't expect everything handed to them.

    Talk to your DH and tell him that you need to set guidelines and rules that you make your 2 step daughters stick to. If they can't do that then they need to start getting in trouble. If they won't do housework then they don't get to watch TV or use your electricity to charge their cell phones !
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 12:38 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I disagree the with "it's your home" attitude. It's the family home. You need to talk to your husband. Since these children are over 18 the two of you may need to decide how the family is going to function. You are concerned that they have been handed everything all their lives. That may be how your husband wants life to be for them. You may have to learn to live with it. That could mean having to deal with your own issues of wishing you had been handed things.


    Remember these are his children and he gets to decide how he wants life to be for them. His priority should be to his children first, you second. You would expect a mother's priority to be to her children first.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:50 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I'm not in you position i have to agree with louise2 on this.. I am the wrong person to offer advice i am a spoiled women i was handed everything too.. I was raised with 10 siblings and they where all boys i am the only girl. My brothers had boys too i have 25 nephews no nieces as all. I have the only two grandaughter my parents & my husbands parents have so our girls are the same they are 18 ( a sophmore in college) & 20 ( a senior in college). So thats why i had to agree with louise2 on this issue. Good Luck..
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 12:50 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Sorry a typo) i posted you instead of your position.
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 12:52 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • You don't say how old they are?? If they are 18 or older, give them responsibilities that relay that age.....dishes, doing their own clothes, cleaning their own rooms, and if they aren't in school full time - they have to have a job.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 1:35 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • You've only mentioned that the girls were handed everything thier whole lives..how old are these girls and before coming into the family home, you and your husband should discuss the issues you have...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:19 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Sorry sweety but you knew what you got yourself into in the first place so! your just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. im going thru a smiliar situation but thankfully hes not living with me
    pyrofyterwife

    Answer by pyrofyterwife at 3:37 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Here is some real advice from a stepmom....just because you married a man with kids does not give them the right to come in your home and wreck havoc. Have they always stayed there or did they just get there? I beg to differ, there are only two names on my house and they are mine and my husband's..therefore, we set the rules. I have a stepdaughter like that but neither my husband or I have done this but her mom, grandma, aunts, etc. played a huge part in this. You stand your ground in your home and make sure you and hubby get on the same page even if it takes counseling. But lady, stand your ground ...
    y0la40

    Answer by y0la40 at 8:38 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

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