Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

please help i have feelings for my best mate of 8yrs and he has feelings for me but doesnt want to act on his feelings cause he doesnt want anything to hurt our friendship.... is there any way i can show him that it could work? He has dated friends before and it has always ended in losing friendships and doesnt wanna lose me. Any ideas?

Answer Question

Asked by sarahandmark09 at 1:09 PM on Aug. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (155 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You guys can't be friends if you both have feelings for each other. They will just fester until one of your starts to resent the other. If you don't try for more than a friendship, you'll eventually lose the friendship anyway. It is a risk you will have to take. True happiness doesn't come easy.

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 1:13 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • He is trying to spare your feelings. If he says he doesn't want to risk the friendship in order to try a romantic relationship, then that means he doesn't have true romantic feelings for you. Sex and romance is what makes men tick. If a man has even a slight romantic attraction towars a woman he jumps at the chance of a relationship if the woman feels the same way. Your friend isn't jumping because he just wants to be friends. You will either have to happily stay his platonic friend or risk losing the friendship.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 1:25 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Thriving mom has a point.

    I got into a relationship with my best friend (almost brother figure) after 11 years of friendship. It ended up getting awkard after a month or so and ended 4 months later. We were still friends afterward, but not as close. I'm glad we did it so we knew and we were also getting pressure from our families to start dating. He ended up getting killed in a car accident almost 2 years afterward. I almost wish we hadn't gone there, so I would've had more memories from the last 2 years.

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 1:54 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Remember .. The friendship only dies when you allow it to.
    I became very, very close friends with my very first boyriend before we started dating. We dated for 11 months and then we broke up. We've been best friends for the last seven years.

    Yes, you can have a shitty ending to your relationship, but whether you get over it and remain friends is YOUR CHOICE.

    He's never going to be satisfied with sitting back and wondering. He needs to act on his feelings even if just to test the waters. He'll regret never taking that chance. And if it doesn't work out then get over it and move on. Remaining friends is a CHOICE.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:14 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I agree with ThrivingMom

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 3:02 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Talk to him. Ask him what he wants in life, what are his goals and tell him yours. See if yall could work it out.

    Answer by txdaniella at 4:32 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • tell him it's a when harry met sally thing. the best marriages are those were they were friends first. there is really nothing you can do but let him advance if he decides to. i wouldn't pine over him. find someone else. maybe if he saw you with somoene else he will realize that he wants you and no one else.

    Answer by melody77 at 5:18 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Doesn't sound like he is really that interested in you. If he was, and he really had strong feelings for you, then there wouldn't be anything standing in your way. The fact that he is standing in the way, means he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. He knows you like him, and couldn't bring himself to reject you, so he lied. 

    I think you are better off just leaving this alone, and moving past it. 


    Answer by Punky_1981 at 11:09 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • You need to respect his decision. Would you rather keep him as a friend or risk losing him in a relationship?

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:28 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.