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I recently got married 7months ago, but the problems started immediately. Is it normal as newly weds to have so many problems?

We have problems over my dressing, my family, our church, my past relationships that I didnt tell him about, my friends, wearing make up, hugging family member(extended or step) ect...

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ylonda

Asked by ylonda at 5:17 PM on Oct. 10, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • This does not sound normal... it sounds like you married a control freak. I've been married for 1.5 years and we don't fight like that... hardly at all. He should never tell you how to wear makeup or if you should or not, same with you clothes.... and everything else. You're your own person... don't let him take that from you.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 5:20 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • your family he knew before you guys got married i reckon? Then why fighting over it after u guys got married!

    ^^^same goes for the church.

    your PAST relationships are none of his business, there is a reason why you arent with any of those men anymore. He should leave it that way.

    your friends are your friends. if he doesnt like them its not your problem.

    you wear make-up? wow, what a sin. He prolly met you when you were wearing make-up. why complaining now?

    hugging a family member is something EVERYBODY does. whats a problem with that?!

    your husband didnt buy a dog on a leash, he married a woman he should love. make sure he understands the difference between his wife and a dog on a leash
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 5:21 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • did you live together before getting married? If not, that can make things harder since you are now forced to be together 24/7. KWIM?

    sounds like he has some jealousy issues though. I would recommend some marriage counseling for that.

    My husband has a few shirts and such that he doesn't like me to wear but it's not like a big fight, I just don't wear them out to make him feel better about it. I try to dress in a way he thinks I'm attractive, because I like his attention more than other men's.

    as for the past relationships, they are the PAST. if not for them you wouldn't be where you are today and wouldn't be with him. I remind my hubby of that if those questions come up.
    flutterfae

    Answer by flutterfae at 5:26 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • i heard that the first yr is the hardest but i have been married 6 months and we have already fought but i expect that out of a marriage. no two people are exactly alike it's hard to blend and learn each others behavior and characteristics are. it doesn't matter to me how much we fight or will fight as long as he doesn't beat me or is not a drug user then there is nothing we can't work through and i stand by my marriage vows. plus i love my hubby every much and he loves me. i made sure that i married a man that had the same beliefs and same traits as me so that we would match better and be able to be a true family. ALTHOUGH WHAT YOU GOT GOING ON IS NOT NORMAL. SO MAYBE LEAVE ASAP. next time talk about what you expect out of marriage before you marry.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 5:27 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Well you know you never get to know somebody till you actually start living with them, when I first got married I was having so many problems with my husband..it was awful.. I wanted to leave him after only 3 months, then I found out I was pregnant so i stayed to work things out and It got better with time..Now today is our 2nd year anniversary and I'm so glad i stayed, we have a happy family. YOU JUST NEED TO BE A LITTLE PATIENT..
    VERONICACP

    Answer by VERONICACP at 5:28 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • I hate to be blunt, but if you're having problems this early in your marriage, whatever you do, DON'T GET PREGNANT! It will NOT save your marriage but will bring other problems to the surface. If you decide you want out, you won't have to go through the painful process of child custody. I agree with those that said he sounds like a control freak. Don't live like that. I did for almost 14 years, and getting out was the best thing I ever did. I'm now very happily remarried to a man who knew me before and loves me as I am.
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 5:32 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • he is trying to control you which is the first step towards physical abuse. It is NOT normal.
    myboogiewoogie

    Answer by myboogiewoogie at 5:42 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • No sounds like he's jealous and controlling. The past is the past, You should be able to hug family members and wear make-up and wear what you want as long as it's not totally slutty and from what it sounds you don't dress like that anyway....You need to tell him to drop the jealousy and control and love you for who you are or you'll drop him because you didn't marry him so he could try to control you.
    TiffanyLove18

    Answer by TiffanyLove18 at 5:57 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • I have to agree with everyone--he sounds like he's got a major jealousy problem. I'd assure him that I only love him and that I only have eyes for him. But it's not your fault at all. That's all him. Was he showing signs of this while you were dating? Maybe go get counseling so that he can see he's treating you way unfairly. If he doesn't change his ways, maybe consider telling him you'll leave because that's emotional abuse and can turn into something worse.
    orangeorbie

    Answer by orangeorbie at 6:16 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Did he act like this prior to the marriage? Have you considered counseling? He seems to have problems with everything about you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

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