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I had an affair but we are trying to work through this...

we got married almost 3years ago but when it came to our wedding day it was the worst day of my life. I didn't even see him the whole time he was to busy getting drunk off his a** all night then after the dance instead of going back to our hotel room to be together he wanted to go back to his moms and party . I cried and then left him there. went back to the hotel cried myself to sleep after that we always fight I started working and met this person at work and i started to get to close my spouse and i seperated and ended up prego with the guy from wk. my hubby and i tried are trying to work through this but he still throws it in my face everytime we fight. how can i get him to trust me again and to leave it in the past? now we have a daughter together but I feel like if we dont work out I screwed my first baby out of a dad. her real dad nows about her but wants nothing to do with her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Oct. 10, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I went thru the same thing....got married...he drank, abused me; I left, committed adultery, became pregnant and am now in the process of a divorce. I don't judge you...good people make ugly mistakes somretimes. My hubby wanted me back too...but when I gave him another shot to be normal and decent, he threw it in my face too and threatened to kill the baby and I. I left for good! My advice...if he's willing to go with u to counseling, that may help. Otherwise, you might be wasting ur time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Personally I think he should take responsibility for some of it. If he had stepped up to the plate and given you what you needed you would have never turned to someone else. So he needs to quit throwing it up in your face. he needs to suck it up and realize he was just as much to blame. It happened. It's over. Tell him to get over himself. I'm not as nice as you are because I'd be tellng him if he keeps throwing it up in my face I'd go do it again. Heck if you're going to be punished for it forever you might as well enjoy doing it. (ok I'm being a smart alec there but trying to make a point)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:29 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • good luckWorking through tough times makes your relationship stronger but it is a bumpy ride and you need to set him down and admit to him you did what you did, he did what he did to cause you to and if he can't have a calm adult conversation then honestly you are cheating your children and yourself out of a joy filled life. Some people can't let past/mistakes go,, you need to love yourself enought to tell him how you are deserving of his forgiveness and you would love to work things out but he has to want the same goal for the good of your family. Have him search his entire life and see if there isn't anything he did he wished he hadn't .God is the only one you have to worry about forgiving you we all are human!

    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 7:59 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • I realize this may upset you and others on here, and it is my opinion, but if you were willing to sleep with someone else, even though you were separated, he does have a right to be upset. By no means am I saying what he did was right, but you should have asked for help from someone (marriage counselor, pastor, etc) and been mature enough not to sleep with someone until you had made some definite decisions, like if he wouldn't go to counseling and since no one is going to change unless they want to, divorce may have been a good idea. Cont.................
    ethan0530

    Answer by ethan0530 at 8:12 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Cont......I don't like divorce and think it's an easy way out for people but in some cases it is totally necessary and when you are married to a person that could care less and after many attempts at counseling and he still doesn't care then the next step would be a lawyer. But since you cheated, you've lost alot of credibility with the court system, your husband, and others. I'm sorry that your baby's dad want's nothing to do with your baby and that your husband is upset with you. You had valid points until you cheated in my opinion.
    ethan0530

    Answer by ethan0530 at 8:16 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • While reading your question I felt as though it was me writing the question, But with my story it was a little different, My DH would come home from work and do nothing but drink himself to sleep and well I was hurt by what he was doing and I felt neglected and I found myself having an affair, but he as well had an affair both emotional and physical with one of the waitresses at the local bar and well even though we decided to work through things and save our marriage things have been hard. we have forgiven each other to a point but its not something we will ever forget. Honestly I don't think anyone could forget something like this its almost like losing someone to death in a strange way. Do what ever you need in order to help him and your self work through this, marriage counseling and indivdual├é┬ácounseling and even talk with each other . I wish the both of you the best of luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Been there done that....no advice......I ended up having to introduction my 10 year old child to his "real" father......just my experience....something for you to think about :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Oct. 11, 2008

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