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3 Bumps

don't know what to do for sd

my sd (7) and dd (6) have been fighting alot lately. So my dh and I sat them down and had a talk with them about how you should treat people espacially family. During the course of this sd says she won't ever need her family when she's big. When asked why she said this sd says well my mom always tells me she doesn't love me, so I figured no one does, but I can make friends by doing stuff for them so it won't matter who loves me. This broke my heart to hear from her. Of course we told her we love her and always will. We are not cp however bm is. Any advice or suggestion welcome. I just want to say and do the right thing dor her.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:57 PM on Aug. 29, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • Oh how sad! I don't know that I have a great answer, except just keep showing her that you love her and that you won't give up on her. Maybe have a separate talk with your dd about how sad and hard this must be for her to feel like that. Actions speak volumes and if you just keep with it and approach everything with her out of love and don't give up on her she will learn that she is part of your family and that you love her. That's all you can do I think! ((Hugs))

    Answer by emilex at 11:04 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Maybe you and your husband could each do something special with/for her. Maybe once a month do something with each girl separately. Continue to tell both girls you love them. Maybe she and daddy could have a "date night" like a movie and eat some place she likes.

    Answer by cassey.e at 11:04 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Just keep reassuring her that there will always be a home with you guys. Let her know that you will always be there for her.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:05 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • I meant to have a talk with your dd about how sad it must be for your sd to feel that way. Sometimes kids are pretty perceptive and it might help your daughter if she knows your sd is really struggling. My daughter is like that anyway.

    Answer by emilex at 11:05 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • Just keep loving her. The years will go by fast and she will soak up what she is surrounded by. It is hard to see them hurt but it is a part of life and learning coping skills. I suggest alot of hugs and laughter...... :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 11:06 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • That is Horrible- i can't even comperhend a Mom telling her child that! WOW- she probably only feels comfortable when she is at your house & let's it all out- Not that it should be allowed; i don't think my SS's Mom ever said that to them but, her actions did- It took a Long time but they figured out that i was a constant in their life & put their guard down and trusted that i would be there for them- i truely believe Actions speak much louder than Words so, i think all you can do is show her she has You, her Daddy & your Daughter that Love Her & Nothing will change that- You will always be family! Wishing you lots luck!

    Answer by daisyb at 12:24 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I know that is horrible but the reality is some parents just shouldn't of become parents and there's not much you can do about that. She probably feels andsees what you all do as a family. I would try and much as possible to include her in everything you can. Always make sure you tell her you love her for her and do some special things with her once in a while give out the hugs freely. I know she probably sees her daddy with another little girl and wonders why she can't be that little girl. Just give her as much love as you can.

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:35 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • You told her exactly the right thing. Now you just continue to show it. Your actions will speak louder than any words, and she will learn that she is safe, loved, and secure in your family.

    Answer by Gaccck at 9:31 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I'm a freshman here still. So i don't understand what dd, sd, and all those abbreviations mean. BUT YES the ladies here are right in one sense and not in the other...she will soak up what she sees, but what she is soaking up is that her own mother doesn't love her that will stay with her for a lifetime, she will not love herself as an adult, and when you have that kind of insecurity, well...we all know what happens! She will feel lonely unloved, and no amount of love from anyone will replace the love she needs from her mommy, it may help a bit, but a girl needs mommy to love her. Someone needs to sit mom down and share this news with her. I would not try to be politically correct, sometimes people need to hear things straight forward, maybe she has no idea the impact she has on her child. I know my mom didn' i speak here from experience on this one!

    Answer by MartaJoy at 8:39 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

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