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Answers / Life & Home / Relationships
2 Bumps

Cyber sex has gone too far...not sure how to get out?

I know it will be really easy to judge me but I really need some advice. I've been married for 15 years & most of them have not been the best (not getting along, stale sex life etc.) About 5 mos. ago I began chatting with an ex boyfriend from high school. Things went from friendly to erotic and if I can be honest...did "great" things for my sex life with my husband. To make a long story short ex has left his wife and wants to come & see me. (We've never taken this farther than texting.) I do not want to see him & I've told him so in a nice way but he won't let it go, saying I led him on etc. I'm afraid he's either going to show up or reveal our secret to mutual friends. I want him out of my life but honestly I'm scared & don't know what he's capable of. I made a bad mistake, I know that...please advise.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yes, tell your hubby. But don't tell him all the details. He might not want to know. If he asks, you kinda have to tell though. But tell him this guy has left his wife, and wants to come see you. And that you have told him no, and he is insisting on seeing you. You gotta come clean. If your hubby finds out from someone else, it will be worse then if you tell him. But you should also talk with him about the WHY you began the online relationship in the first place. Good luck.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 8:07 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • In a case like this maybe you should tell your husband before he finds out from someone else, that would make the situation disastrous if he found out from someone other than you. Not saying the situation will be good by telling him, but much better coming from you.
    Kimmers1116

    Answer by Kimmers1116 at 2:27 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I would tell your DH the truth ASAP. If this other Man comes along and tells him then I think that it will be a lot worse. I am sure that he is not going to be happy with the situation but I am positive he would rather find out from you than the other person it happened iwth. I would then leave it up to him how he wanted to handle the fact that this other man will not leave you alone.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 3:00 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • YES DO TELL UR HUBBY OR IT WILL EAT AT U FOR DOING SUCH A THING ESPECIALLY WITH AN EX...I SHOULD KNOW CUZ I RAN IN TO ONE OF MY EX'S AND WE HUNG OUT ECT ECT AND I DIDNT TELL MY HUBBY FOR A LONG TIME BUT IT BOTHERED ME EVERYDAY CUZ I KNOW I WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND. BUT HE SAID HE WAS GLAD TO HEAR IT FROM ME AND NOT SOME ONE ELSE. HE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME BUT HE GOT OVER IT AND STILL LOVES ME AS MUCH OR EVEN MORE! I PRAY THAT UR HUBBY GOES ABOUT IT THE SAME WAY..AS U SAID IT NEVER WENT FURTHER THAN TXTS SO U ALL NEVER SAW EACH OTHER LIVE...JUST DONT APPROACH HIM IN A WAY TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE SOMETHING WAY OUT THERE SO HE WONT BLOW UP RIGHT AWAY. GOOD LUCK!
    GUDMOMMY86

    Answer by GUDMOMMY86 at 3:12 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • This is a tough one... yes the moral thing to do would be to tell your husband... but do we know how he will react?? No.. Is he the jealous type? What if he was so hurt, he left you... would it had been worth it? Seeing as tho it was only over the internet and not in real life, it's not "as bad"... I would start by atleast cutting all contact with this ex...get a new screen name in which you do to chat, change your number if he has it, and just totally ignore him... if he doesn't let up then maybe i would tell the hubs... I hope you learned your lesson missy!!
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 3:23 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I say just cute off contact with your ex. You should not have to tell him over and over no. If the truth comes out at least you will be able to show the final letter and the guy will have no proof of any further contact to show.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 4:06 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • It would be better to tell your husband you've been talking to the other guy and that he is threatening to come to see you. Perhaps you can avoid telling him all the gory details of your conversations, but it would be very unfair of you to allow the other man to show up and your husband be totally unprepared. There's an old saying that says "when you play, you have to pay." Things do have a way of catching up with us and trying to keep them secret can be more of a pain than telling on yourself.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:59 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • you should have talk to your hubby about the feel that you was have about sex.i do not know how long you have been with hubby but you could have talk to him befor you got happy with your ex talk about sex,i am happy that your sex with your hubby got better.
    ladydi121

    Answer by ladydi121 at 5:12 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • your having fun and its hard to stop something thats fun and so care free.
    If your DH isn't that active sexually with you, it doers give you an outlet at least to get a release or let go of inhibitions and be someone you can't be in real life. If not for the sex part, you'd just be chatting to some unknown stranger in a chat room (sorta like we're doing now).
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:31 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I agree with all of these answers. Tell your hubby or it will eat you alive
    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 5:37 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

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