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How can I help my 11 year old granddaughter !

She lives with her Mom, a 1/2 sister and a step brother in a unstructed and undisciplined house. Her Mom loves her, step-dad is a good enough guy, but both are big party people. She see's at Mom's that it just all fun and games, no responsiblity, let dress like she is 15 or older, spending money for stuff not needed, when she knows they can't pay the bills. Her Dad is very involved with her but works long hours, she is with him 2 nights and every other weekened. He is married with a 2 year old and another child on the way. Dads is stricter and more structure with both parents having professional jobs and home rules, not mouthy talk tolerated and no reveling clothes. I have always been very close to my grand daughter and still am, she knows her parents love her and I am her for her however I see her dress, hanging with older kids, etc. becoming a concern,grad. I have a good relationship with both parents, should I talk to them

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grandmabobbie

Asked by grandmabobbie at 9:03 AM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Her dad is probably aware but can't do much about the way her mom lives. Her mom probably thinks everything is ok and might resent what she could see as intruding. You might be better off talking to your grand-daughter and guiding her. An 11 yr old is perfectly capable of understanding things like bills that need to be paid instead of spending money on something non-essential and that older friends could get her into trouble even if that is not their intention.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 9:18 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Depending on what you say, might get the mom mad, BECAUSE she graduateprobably knows the way she's living isn't the best environment for a young lady. So Yes I would talk to the parents if you want to help out some more. But be prepared for mom to be in a defence mode if they are living, " the party scene" way. As for dad maybe she should live at his house, now. 11 is a trying age allot of new doors open & depending on what home is like she may walk through the wrong doors. Speaking from experience .Good Luck~ Sounds like 11 yr old granddaughter is lucky to have you!~

    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 9:18 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Honestly, I don't think you're going to change the mother's mind on how to raise her daughter. If anything, you could upset the mother and she could make it difficult to see your granddaughter. If I were you, I'd make sure that your granddaughter knows she can count on you and trust you, spend as much time with her as you can, and help her cope in the environment she's in. My grammy did that for me - she was my lifeline as I became a teen. If she would have confronted my mother I would have never been able to see her.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:25 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Keep loving her and be there for her. Let go of feeling responsible for "them" and just keep enjoying life. Accept that there are some things you can't change and don't try to fight them. I am powerless over anyone but me. :-) Hugs !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 9:32 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • If you do be as completly no judgmental as possible. But if this was me I would offer to take her a night or two on a regular basis, give her one on one time, listen lots and lots of listening. And I would also tell your grandaughter your concerns and why. Don't harp or nag. Just state it and ask that she dress a little more appropiatly around you. This way she knows what you expect and why. But if you make a big deal out of it it might make things worse. When she is dressing how you like compiment her. As far as the firends, ask her why she likes them, why she doesn't like the kids her age. Have as adult a conversation as you can with her. GL this is a tricky situation.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 10:48 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

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