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2 Bumps

UGH... I'm so frustrated!

I've asked a similar question before- but hoping to get some new answers.

It seems as though the second I leave the house- sans kids- that my husband starts a timer. He seems to know exactly how long it should take me to run to Walmart and buy groceries. If I am above that time frame, I hear it when I get home. But yet- he goes to the paintball field (his friend owns it), or out with work buddies for beer on Friday nights- and is gone for 3+ hours. I am a SAHM, I am with my kids 24/7. I take them grocery shopping most weeks, when I meet friends, they are "playdates" because I don't have sitters for in the middle of the day. How can I approach the issue without starting an all out war? I want hubby to know that it upsets me that he throws a fit when I'm gone for an hour, but he leaves the house and is out by himself for 3-4 hours at a time when I'm already home all day with the kids... but I want to do it in a nice way. Help!

 
SAHMomOf3

Asked by SAHMomOf3 at 10:44 AM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You absolutely have the right to be upset by this. I respect that your main concern is not just the issue, but approaching it without confrontation. My suggestion is that first you ask him how he feels and why. then try to put into prospective for him how you feel and why. Like saying " I understand you work hard for our family and are tired by the end of the day and want to have your free time with your buddies at the end of the week. However, I too work hard for our family and occasionally need my free time too so I can rejuvenate from my 24/7 responsibilities of the kids. maybe we can organize a fair time in our schedule that I can get my needed free time, like when you go play paintball with your friends." hopefully you and your husband can work it out. Good luck!
    rebel.mama

    Answer by rebel.mama at 11:01 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Sounds like he has a trust issue with you! And other the other hand "HE" wants his free time and you can't have it I called that "selfish" Just a suggestion offer to go out with him on a date. Picnic, a walk, and tell him how you feel.
    bmwlover

    Answer by bmwlover at 10:48 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • This is classic abusive behavior on his part. He sounds controlling and there is no "nice" way of breaking that to him. I strongly urge you guys to get some counseling before the situation gets worse. You deserve to get away from the kids and get a break and have it be something besides running errands.
    MommaofH2

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 10:54 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Just tell him no!! stop I will go and come back when I'm done!!! throw away the timer.

    He will get worse if you don't put your foot down, so just say NO to his BS.

    I need a life too!!! Tell him that.

    There will be fights if you want to do things, he his has controlled you for a long time and will not like you getting independent.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:54 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • That is classic abusive/controlling behavior.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:58 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • No you are wrong! you are not the one that cheated on him. So you should not put up with his B.S .

    If he is not mean or angry person than you should not be afraid to tell him his wrong to try to control you on how long you stay out.

    And if he goes out than you should make plans to go out too. Things have to be equal in a marriage or it is not a good one.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:08 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • It sounds to me that he is an insecure man.If you can't sit down and talk about it without it turning into a fight,I'd take matters into my own hands.Find a sitter for a night that you would like to go out on.Even a friday night.Then you & some friends have a girls night out.If he feels insecure,that is an issue that you two will need to address.But in the mean time...Go out and have some fun mama!!! : )
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 11:25 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • LOL- he's not abusive in any way. Trust issues- maybe. But, he was cheated on before (not by me... his ex), so I can see where he'd be afraid.
    I'm not looking for reasons as to why he does this... I'm just looking for a nice way to talk to him about it. He's not a mean or angry person. I just want the best way to approach it without starting a fight. I don't want to be accusational "Well YOU go out all the time and you're away for HOURS!!"... that's not what I'm going for here.
    SAHMomOf3

    Comment by SAHMomOf3 (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • They have streets named after him....ONE WAY.....do your shopping and enjoy. If he's the un-trusting one, what is he doing?

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 11:02 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • That's the problem right there, HE WAS CHEATED ON BEFORE BY HIS EX. My DIL was the same w/ my SON,.because she was cheated on, she even called here when he visited w/out her. It is an abusive relationship in a way, not a beating abusive. When you can't go out and be comfortable with coming home any time later without worrying or causing an argument, it's a form of abuse. You need to have a talk w/him, but not after a shopping trip. He needs to be told your not his EX and he has no reason to think your her and cheating, unless you have caused him to have a reason. Let him know it's hurting your relationship bec he doesn't trust YOU. yet you trust him. Try to do it in a calm not argumenative way so he truly undrstands that you understand it's bec of his EX. Good luck.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:08 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

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