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2 Bumps

What would you do?

My husband committed to playing in a paintball tournament on Sept. 18. There are three other things going on that day as well. About a month ago, my MIL sent out a mass email to us, my hubby's brothers and their wives. She told us that her father's surprise 80th birthday party is on Sept. 18 (three hours from where we live) and we are all EXPECTED to be there. My husband had already known about this birthday, and had arranged for us to visit his grandparents this weekend. I feel bad that we'll be missing the birthday party- but there will be lots of strange people there, not to mention it's three hours away, and we wouldn't get to spend any one on one time with his grandparents. What would you do in that situation? My MIL planned this party without bothering to ask if the date was good for anyone else or not. We wouldn't have any help with our kids- and the party is in a church, where there's nothing for them to do!


Asked by SAHMomOf3 at 10:47 AM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I think as far as the grandfather is concerned, your husband arranged WELL before the party was brought up to spend time one-on-one with him, which will mean more to him than your husband being a face in a sea of faces. I would, however, suggest that your husband be the one to communicate your absence to his mother. A PP suggested politely letting her know that you had a previous engagement and I agree that's the best way to handle it.

    Answer by geminilove at 11:08 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Sorry, but it is his FATHER'S BIRTHDAY and he's going to miss it for a paintball tournament??? That is disrespectful in so many ways. Doesn't matter if you won't know many people, doesn't matter if you won't have help with your kids (YOU ARE THEIR PARENTS) - IT IS HIS FATHER'S 80th BIRTHDAY!!!!
    Of course your MIL would ask if the date was is her party to plan. Good lord, this is FAMILY!

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:52 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • If you cant make it then you cant make it.. but she shouldn't really have to ask around to be sure that date is good for everyone because it most likely will not be.

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:49 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I'd make him skip the paintball thing and go to this party. His dad is getting up there in age. Would you really want to leave it like this if something happened? Imagine the guilt if he opted for the tournament and his dad passed away before he got to see him again.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:56 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I may have been a little harsh in my OP. I would say that for a surprise party that requires some to drive several hours, she should have sent out notice a lot sooner than a month out. I would have hubby call to tell her that you all have other plans for that day that was planned before you got the announcement. That way, he is dealing with his mom rather than putting you in the middle.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:52 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I think family is more important than a paint-ball tournament, and 80th birthdays don't happen very often. I would change my plans and be there for that party.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:57 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • That's a hard call, but sounds like you really don't want to go anyway, so I'd send him a card and that would be it. Your MIL really should of taking consideration of every one's lives before setting a definite date.......


    Answer by zbee at 11:00 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • It's very far away... in a church... and you have prior commitments, if you're going to be able to see them before or afterwards i think that's just fine. Things happen, ppl miss events, it's not the end of the world, send a nice card and small gift saying you're sorry you couldn't make it. And i agree that you're husband should be the one to break the news to his mother, though i can tell you from experience it's difficult to get men to do it in a decent way so you might want to tell him what to say lol

    Answer by Mom-o-AJ at 11:00 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I would say that if you can't make it, then you should call her to let her know. However, if I read your post correctly this would be his grandfathers birthday right? And he is turning 80? I think that is a specical moment. I hope he lives to see 100, however even at 80 time is fragile, wouldn't you want to visit with him. I wouldn't care about people I don't know being there, (that is how it is when we go to some parties especially kids birthday parties, you know a few people but that is it) And in regards to your kids, maybe you can bring something for them to do, or just because the party is at a church dosen't mean that they can't play outside. I would find things for them to do.

    Answer by sheloveearth at 11:02 AM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Since she wasn't concerned about your schedule, I wouldn't be concerned about attending.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:49 AM on Aug. 30, 2010