Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Physical Affairs & Affairs of the Heart

Has anyone had any personal experience or have had people they know with experience in recovering from emotional or physical affairs. How were the affairs identified, any good coping strategies, etc. How did the truth come out, partial truth? Was it physical or emotional, both? Did the marriage (or relationship) survive?

Sorry just going through some stuff....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • :( sorry to hear it mommy.. I don't have any advice but hope you recover!~~

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:30 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I've seen relationships ruined over physical/emotional affairs- and I've seen people do everything they could to make things work, but that ended up causing more pain and hurting at least one person (usually the one who was cheated on) more in the end. If a man cheats once, he'll cheat again. Might not be right away, but one day it will happen (sry for bluntness, not sure exactly what you're experiencing).

    Emotional affairs, if you can call it that, are more difficult to explain. If it's just that a man is entrusting another woman with more and opening up more, then that could maybe be fixed. The couple needs to figure out better communication skills and what not. Not sure if this really helps but to answer your question about how the truth came out- my friends that got cheated on all found out from snooping through their guy's things (which to me, if you have to do that- it's a huge indicator there's no trust to begin w/)

    Answer by lexi8622 at 2:32 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • BTDT.. My husband of 25yrs had a physical affair (one night stand) 16 or so years ago.

    It took years to rebuild and recover. What I learned about recovery and reconcilliation through my experience was this: there are underlying reasons why someone usually makes the choice to cheat. The majority of people who are happy, satisfied, fulfilled with themselves &/or their relationship do not make the choice to cheat.

    The truth came out for me because my husband came home drunk, crying, and puking and told me the truth. That's how I found out.

    In order to reconcile we had to completey rebuild our marriage from the ground up. This took a few years. We had to be totally honest with one another about all our issues/problems in our marriage. And we had to make the decision to work together to address and rectifiy all of those issues and problems. We had to learn how to effectively communicate with one another..


    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:40 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • We had to learn how to see each other for who and what we are, and accept each other for those things. Instead of trying to change one another into what we thought the other should be. We had to learn how to work together instead of against one another in all things. we had to learn how to show each other on a regular basis how much we : love, appreciate, admire, respect, adore, want, etc... We had to learn to accept that the two of us are different people, we think differently, we do things differently, we view things differently. And that it's pointless and causes more problems than it's worth, to expect the other to do something just like we would. We learned that we can not look at each other's ass and read their minds. That we have to be proactive in being honest and open with one another about our: needs, wants, desires..etc.. We had to learn that life happens, but we do not have to allow it to take over either.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:43 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • All of these things took a lot of effort, a lot of tears, a lot of time, a lot of work, and a lot of dedication on BOTH of our parts.

    Dealing with infidelity on any level is a horrific emotional roller coaster that it takes years to get off of. Whether a couple splits, or stays together, you still end up on that roller coaster.

    Whether someone chooses to leave, or chooses to stay after infidelity. That choice, and following through with that choice, and making it through that choice. Will be one of the hardest choices and experiences a person may go through in their lives. Leaving or staying, neither are easy. Both have their pitfalls. Both have their difficulties.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:46 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • My ex husband had an affair and it was physical and emotional. I lived in a small town so it came to the surface fairly quickly. He got this woman pregnant and when I found out I left him when I was 4 months pregnant. Best decision I have ever made

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 4:51 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.