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SIL needs help...

The man she is with has abused her in the past, she drinks every once in a while, maybe about 3 times a month. She has cut down alot considering she used to drink everyday. She takes care of the baby ALL day every day, he never plays with his son he always calls him like a baby cryer & things like that. He always told her dont go looking for a job and now out of the bloom he tells her she needs to? Then he tells her to walk to go look for one that he cant take her so she has to walk with the baby to look for one! I really want to give her some good advice but something that she can understand not just leave him! Something to open her eyes that she needs to do right for her & her son. I really do need help... Pls anyone...

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Momie09

Asked by Momie09 at 2:57 PM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (589 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • She needs to come to the decision to leave him on her own. You can be there to support her when she does.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:00 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • If she's not married to him, she needs to get out now. If she's married to him, I would advise her to offer him an ultimatum--either we get some outside help or we will be separating until he does so. Who is going to hire a woman who has to bring her child with her to even look for a job? Not too many people, I think.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:08 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • she really does need to leave him .she should focus herself on her self and her baby and move on .her baby is beautiful as they all are so she should just put her time and energy into him her life will be much happier and healthier with out him bringing the down
    britme1027

    Answer by britme1027 at 3:15 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I am basically going thru the same situation myself. I have been with my SO for over 2 years and out of the blue he tells me get a job or hes leaving in a month. I have 3 kids and am pregnant with number 4. Im suppose to walk in the hot heat with 3 kids ages 4 and under to put in applications.
    mommyof4cutekid

    Answer by mommyof4cutekid at 3:18 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Sometimes, its best to step back and allow a person to go through a situation in order for them to grow. I know its hard to sit by and watch someone you care for go through unecessary changes but its her life. If she asks for advice give it to her but don't push the advice on her. By the way, is this your brother she's married to? IF so, then talk with him and let him know what he's doing to her is wrong...
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 3:52 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • No it isnt my brother she is married to or else it would have talked to him:) This is my husbands sister and we are very close...We grew up together all of us.... She called me for advice...
    Momie09

    Comment by Momie09 (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • She needs to leave him. Whenever he calls her crying, he is just trying to suck her back in. He wants her to respond to all of his BS cuz thats how he controls her. She needs to be strong and you need to encourage her not to give in to him
    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 4:40 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Give her options, since you don't want to tell her she should leave him. Like, tell her she can leave him, she can suggest they get counciling, she can give him an ultimatum, things like that. Can you take her to apply for jobs? She can also maybe apply online for some of them.
    I don't know what kind of abuse he dealt out, but he needs to get help with that. He has issues, obviously. And if he can't work through them, then he will do it again. If she has hinted that she wants to leave, then discuss that with her, and discuss ways she can go about it. Maybe she can live with you and your husband for a while? Since she is his sister? She would get child support, and could get PA as well. This is something that really, you guys will have to kinda sort out. But you need to find out options, and discuss them. Options are the key.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:30 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Thanks Raine2001 thats was really helpful info. Ill be sure to talk to her :)
    Momie09

    Comment by Momie09 (original poster) at 5:35 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

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