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What do I do about my step daughter who hates me?

My step daughter has a nasty attitude towards me, she doesnt live with us. She lives with Grandma but everytime Im around I feel like I get picked on, she is only 11!! She revealed to me that she wishes her parents got back together!! what to do

 
Ericad87

Asked by Ericad87 at 4:22 PM on Aug. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • keep in mind that she never chose for her parents to split up. she more than likely did not choose to live with her grandmother. she did not choose you to be in her life, or her father's life. these were all her father's choices, that she has to live with and deal with. if you just put yourself in her shoes you may see that her life is not that easy.
    choosing to date someone with children comes with issues that may be out of your control. her father has to deal with her, not punish her...but guide her toward more appropriate behavior. be sure that you are not excluding her when the three of you are together.
    have you asked her why she doesn't like you?
    has her father talked to her about why her mother and father are not together?
    think long and hard before you continue on with this relationship. being a step parent is a big job.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 5:52 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I wouldn't pay attention being an 11 year old girl is hard enough - its up to her dad to punish also and not letting her get away with this attitude - just try not to be alone with her or keep busy when she is around -
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:26 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Have your husband talk to her and straighten her out. When she's under your household she still needs to obey you. So ground her or take away er favorite thing while she's there until she gets a new attitude
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:27 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • shoot, i just notices you guys are already married...not just dating :(
    try getting the father more involved, and a therapist would be very helpful too!
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 5:55 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • It is very common for there to be these issues. In her mind you took her dad in her mind you want to replace her mom. It will take a lot of time and effort but you guys can get past this. I think it should start with dad sitting her down , without you there, and really having a heart to heart with her. This is not something that she is just going to get over it will take a lot of time. Honestly the only thing you can do is start with small things. Try to make small talk about things that don't matter and such. The worse thing you could do is start asking her about personal things and feelings. In her mind you are the outsider so you just have to slowly work your way in.
    imtheonlysane1

    Answer by imtheonlysane1 at 7:06 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Treat her the same way you treat your own children, including enforcing consequences for negative behavior. It's not a popularity contest, it's stepparenting.
    ihatetocook

    Answer by ihatetocook at 7:32 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I partly disagree with the previous post. Being a step parent is a hard job. You can't treat them like your own kids in the courts eyes. Yes, you have to have their respect, but its a fine line between enforcing rules, and giving consequences.
    Jamie K.

    Answer by Jamie K. at 9:50 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Does Grandma talk bad to her about you? I understand that she wants her parents back together, that's only natural for a child. She's probably still adjusting. But, it doesn't excuse her actions either. Her father needs to talk to her and get her to realize that mommy and daddy aren't getting back together. She needs to hear it from him not you. In the meantime, why don't you plan a day just for you and her. Ask her what she likes to do and do something together. It could make all the difference in the world.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:13 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

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