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How do i stop my nine-year-old from whining and begging about every little thing?

My daughter whines every single time she doesn't get her way! And she begs me "Please, please, please, please, please..." when i tell her "no!".
Please, please, please. pleases, please tell me what to do!!!!

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briezinthrulife

Asked by briezinthrulife at 5:09 PM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • how often do you give in?? or have you given in?? Seems like a learned behavior by this age.. like eventually do you get to your breaking point and say FINE...?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:11 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Don't give it. Tell her to stop , if she doesn't give a consequence. This behavior only continues if it works for them. Telling them no, then giving in tells them you didn't mean what you said. Be stron. Sit her down and make the rules clear.."from now on this is what is going to happen.." then follow through every single time.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:16 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • TRY to ignore her. Or tell her you don't understand whine and that she needs to ask in her big girl voice. You could try having a Freaky Friday day, where she is the mom and you are the kid and whine up a storm to her. Then ask if you are being annoying....Good luck.
    van5

    Answer by van5 at 5:17 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • How often has it worked, in the past 9 years?

    When kids learn that 'it works' they do it again. The more random and chaotic 'it works' happens, the more frequently it will be repeated, as the child (human) tries to figure out the pattern that makes it work. Is it when it's dark? when there's a big line? when Grandma's there? when the tv's on? Or off? when the dog's out there or in here or when I'm wearing a blue shirt????

    If you never, ever, really not even once ever 'gave in', you'd see the behavior a couple of times, you could laugh and move on --it would die all by itself and you wouldn't have to do anything.

    I generally recommend that you never put up with anything for 17 seconds that you're not fully prepared to put up with for 17 years... because otherwise you end up getting to the point where you accidentally reinforce behavior you hate.

    Wait longer to answer. If you tend to say yes, you see less of this crud.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 5:17 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Ignore her when she does it. Make it clear that the begging and whining makes things a DEFINITE no. That's what I did with my kids. One time my DD and one of her friends were in the back seat of the car. Her friend aksed her to ask me if they could do something in particular. My DD told her she knew I wouldn't let them do that at that particular time. Her friend told her just to beg. DD piped right up and said "Oh, NO! You don't beg MY mom!" LOL.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 5:18 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Whining is a parent taught behavior. If it doesn't work then kids don't do it. You may need to change how you say no and then you need to ignore begging. If the child ever begs then they never get what they want when they whine, then they will learn mom means what she says.


    If a child asks something in a whining voice say, "I'm sorry, I don't unserstand whining voices." If your child has had this behavior for awhile then there may be some tantrums but as the child learns then the whining should stop. When my kids would bring kids over to play that had these kind of behaviors it never took me long to teach them it wasn't going to work with me.


     

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:19 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Stand your ground.
    PoisonousBlonde

    Answer by PoisonousBlonde at 5:52 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • tell her you aren't even going to dignify that with a response anymore, and when she starts take out a pair of head phones and turn on music
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:01 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Don't give in and if the behavior persists, take away a privilege.

    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 12:04 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Thank you all so much! If I'm totally honest with myself, I have to admit that I'm more to blame thatn she is. I do give in. I get to a point where ANYTHING is better than her infuriating begging and whining, but I'm going to put together some consequences that I really can follow through with and then sit her down and make sure she totally understands them. I am not kidding myself about how difficult this will be for me, but I have no doubt that the pay-off will be great for both of us. Thanks!!!!
    briezinthrulife

    Comment by briezinthrulife (original poster) at 5:43 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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