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How to say 'no'?

My (extended) family expects me to have 'time' to do everything for them!!! Because I am a SHAM. My mom who works 60 hours a week wants me to travel to her house about 30 mins. away to clean her house and cook her dinner. My aunts want me to watch there kids 45 mins. away everyday.
I became a SAHM to Stay at home for my son and my DH. How are some nice ways to say 'NO.'

 
lmt_mom2010

Asked by lmt_mom2010 at 10:50 PM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • tell them you are a stay at home mom not a miracle worker. and if you are always at their houses or driving to and from how are you supposed to have time to take care of your family? it isnt that they arent important to you but maybe your immediate family means more
    candle5

    Answer by candle5 at 10:54 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • I would give a simple, 'Sorry I can't.'
    Amelia512

    Answer by Amelia512 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Tell them that you would be happy to help once in awhile in an emergency situation, but right now you want to concentrate on your family.
    van5

    Answer by van5 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • i think you need a very set schedule for your son you are staying home with. including play dates, activities, grocery store, nap time at the same time everyday, and dinner prepared for your husband when he comes home. 'wink, wink'.

    but really, it's as easy as that. you really do need a set schedule and so does your son. the routine you set for him is one of the most important things about staying home. and the more you are traveling all over the place doing crazy things, the less he is learning you are there for HIM. maybe you will ruffle a few feathers, but just state the facts and keep smiling. what are they going to do, not let you run all over the place helping them anymore? LOL!!

    So you tell THEM what is on your schedule, and either it is completely full or you say- I have this, this, and this, so maybe on Thursday I can make it for a few hours.
    pat7879

    Answer by pat7879 at 11:00 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Dear Family, while I understand that you need my help with your household responsibilities, I have my own Home and children to take care of.

    While your house and kids may need taking care of I need to keep my own home neat and my children educated and well played with the neighbor hood kids.

    Don't let your family treat you like their servant. You have a DH and kids to take care of. Your mom might work 60 hours a week but she has 2 days a week where she isn't working and can clean her home. Your Aunt can find local daycare, 45 mins twice a day is to much for you to drive would she pay you to baby sit or give you the gas you use?
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 11:13 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • WOW....sounds familiar...my only problem is I live with my family and have to do these things....its not your fault or problem that your mom works so much tell her to work normal hours....your aunt can take of her own kids that why she had them not you.....and thats exactly what you are doing taking care of your own kids thats why you had them to love and care for them
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 11:35 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • First off, your family should be your priority. Tell them you already made plans, or taking your kids shopping, going to the grocery store. You can also tell them you have friends coming over. Tell them you don't feel well, after all, we all have our days.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:10 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • No matter how you say it they will not like it. I'd say no calmly and firmly and would not give them any explanation or excuse because it is your right to say no period, you don't need a reason to give. They asked a YES or NO question. You should say NO. If they cannot accept your answer; oh well, don't feel bad because to me that would mean they were really not asking in the first place and that they felt entitled to your help.That type of attitude is really sickening and should not be tolerated at all. You are not there to serve them  or be at their beck and call. Just simply say no. If they ask why and you can't say because I said no. Then say something like, because  I want to do other things with your time and leave it at that. Do not argue with them just end the conversation quickly. They're the ones being unreasonable for not accepting your answer in the first place.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 4:11 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Channel Nancy Regan and Just Say No.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:14 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I find it hard to say no to others, especially family. But at some point you have to put your family first. Give your mom the number of some local cleaning services and also of local restaurants that deliver. The same for your aunt, give her the name of local babysitters and daycares. Their homes and families are not your responsibility. Taking care of everyone else almost cost me my health and my eldest valuable time with me. They will be mad at first, but they'll get over it.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:37 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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