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my daughter uses my grandchildren against me when she is mad at me

I am going thru a divorce now for 2 years..my daughters told me to leave there dad..now that I have they sided with there father..he uses money and and is controlling..he has turned both my daughtes 25 and 28 against me..Now my oldest will not let me see my grandsons 2 and 4..and I helped raised the oldest for 1 year when she moved home...she had a wedding..small and told me her father an I were not invited..een up until the day before I ask her if she changed her mine..no..fund out her father was there with girlfriend and walked her down the grass..married in a park what can I do because I was upset she told me to get over it and now holds my grandons against me I cannot see them

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bobbi115

Asked by bobbi115 at 11:13 PM on Aug. 30, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • we all can be very selfish but wow,.,. that can top the cake - I am so sorry *hugs* you can't do much at this point except start living for you now.. so sorry
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:16 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • thank you..I am finding out that this is a big wow..and I am a strong women I left my husband due to verbal abuse and acontrollng.attitude...My daughter thinks I should just get over it....she does not get how uch she hurt me..and I will never get that back..a mothers dream of helping her daughter..good to know that I am not the only one that thinks this was cruel
    bobbi115

    Comment by bobbi115 (original poster) at 11:20 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Your daughters are cruel and selfish in their behavior. What are they going to do when their father turns on them?
    I'd say you have to decide how much you're willing to be hurt before you can't forgive them anymore.

    You should not just get over what your Ex did to you. You should heal and let it go as part of the healing process. Not just forget what an utter jerk he was ! As for your daughters, let them be the way they are, but do not offer nor extend yourself to them.

    Using your grandchildren against you is like black mail / manipulation. It's not and it's so very very wrong. Tell them that you love your grandchildren and that you'd love to be in their lives, but can not do so if they are going to use them as weapons. You won't hurt your grandbabies that way.

    Then contact an attorney and look into Grandparent's rights. Maybe then you'll get court appointed rights /visitation. May upset your daughters but TOUGH
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 11:35 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Actually grandparents have rights and you can take her to court and sue for visitation. Unless you are unfit in some way, they will likely grant it to you. I suggest asking one more time to see him, if she declines, take her to court. Especially if you helped raise him. Now she may be pissed but oh freaking well. You deserve to see your grandbabies. Best of luck.
    reigndrops12689

    Answer by reigndrops12689 at 11:39 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • my mother and sister and true friends say I must stay away from my daughters due to stress and I have develope anixety attacks..I am at the point now that I do not need to see them or speak to them for now.but I saw my former with my one grandson today at a roadside stand...I wanted to so badly to stop and hug my grandson..but knew I had to be strong and not give into my daughter or enable them thank you for you advice she has done this several times..when she gets mad at me..but her daddy who is on drugs and as had affairs on me for the pass 15 years is all of a sudden a saint..I what them to love there father..but whenever she gets mad at me she holds my grandsons against me and she knows her father is on drugs..I quess I don't ge it!
    bobbi115

    Comment by bobbi115 (original poster) at 11:45 PM on Aug. 30, 2010

  • Grandparents have very few rights in very few states. It'd be best to just leave them alone.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 12:03 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • While very sad.....why let your children control your life the way your husband did all those years? So if you want to be your own free person - then let this go. By letting go I mean letting your life move forward. It hurts bit time and therapy may give you insight that is not possible now. One foot in front of the other. Date or hang with friends, make new friends, hobbies, classes - get a life. For as long as you pine away for what you don't have then it gives so much power to your children and ex. They want to punnish you. But really only you can continue to do that. Yes, your heart hurts. But the best way to show them and you that you are worth more than how they treat you - move past this. If you really want to you can.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:04 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I stumbled across this site and I too have two beautiful grandsons that my daughter will not allow me to see. The sitaution is different but not seeing them is not seeing them! DCFS placed them in our care under a safety plan basically due to drug use and her and the boyfriend neglecting and abusing the boys! I so hoped that this would enable her to get help so she could become a good parent and stop weaving in and out of drugs! That was my ultimate hope for her to get help so her and the boys could live a decent life. Instead, she issued the fatal blow to me. She tested clean four times for drugs and back they went. The boys didnt even have counseling prior. They were with us for 3 months. I had been a part of their everyday life since birth. She sent numerous hateful texts and told me to enjoy them now cause i would never f****** see them again you f******* c****!!!! And that is exactly what has happened
    forevermaw

    Answer by forevermaw at 10:11 AM on May. 14, 2013

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