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i kind of want to tell off one of my midwives. should I?

my gyno office has 3 midwives and one of them is always on call. so the day i went into labor i was having contractions every 2 minutes they did not hurt in any way. i waited two hours and they stayed that way, every 2 minutes and no pain, just tightening. i called and she said i wasn't in labor and that i need to call when the contractions are so painful i can't walk or talk during them. so they kept going into the night, same time no pain. i called and a dif midwife was on call. i lied and said i was in pain and she said to come in. i get there, still no pain and i'm 6 cm. the pain didn't come til i was 9 cm (like an hour later) but when it hit it hit HARD and was beyond unbearable. the point it if i hadn't lied and waited i would have given birth in the car....i want to tell her off cause all women are different and she could make some woman give birth out of the hospital cause of these rules. should i?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:48 AM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (10)
  • Honestly, she didn't know if she didn't examine you, she was going off the norm. If you thought you needed to be seen, why not just go in instead of lying so you got the go ahead? Next time, just go on in and be seen and save yourself the frustration.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 5:13 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • No you should not tell her off. Talk to her boss about it. if you tell her off be ready to go find a different doctor.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:02 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I have the same problem with my doctors office treating my pregnancy like everyone elses. When my file basically says in big red letters high risk and multiple complications. I have seen every doctor in that office and I have my favorites. You know the ones who actually listen to your concerns and believe mother knows best, and then u have the difficult ones. I wanted to tell this one OB doc off because everytime I saw her she had a smart remark about my weight or my life style. I requested that I not see her to the whole staff and her boss. Apparently I wasnt the only one whos complained about her and her hours have been getting cut from no one wanting to see her. So it's funny and weird how things work out but if you play it smart and go above the heads of those that we dislike with probable cause, you will be surprised with the results ;-)

    Answer by AngelEyva at 6:25 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I think you should talk to her about it calmly, but let her know it upset you. She could learn something from your story if you articulate it the right way. I never spoke with my midwife about something she did to me... she rolled her eyes at me when I said that I was not dissapointed with my c-section because I knew I had done as much as I could to avoid it... she ROLLED HER EYES at me because I wasn't depressed about my son's birth story... Ugh, I'm getting mad all over again. Anyway I wish I had said something to someone when that happened but I didn't and now she's free to be a wicked shrew to whomever she pleases.

    Let her know what the end result was, but express yourself in a low key manner, she's more likely to respond to that.

    Answer by beckcorc at 6:41 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I honestly don't believe you should "tell her off". She did not break office policy, she was going off the norm, statistics that are set by the doctors in the office. Nothing is gained by angrily telling somebody off. You went with your gut instincts, got in when you thought you needed to, and it all worked out. If you feel you need to get this off your chest, then calmly express your feelings to your doctor, or make an appointment to have a discussion with the person in charge and express your feelings. Give them a chance to explain their procedures and policies. If you don't care for their policies, then find a different doctor/midwife.

    Answer by Sonnut at 7:27 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I don't think you should TELL HER OFF per say, but I'd calmly let her know you'd have been upset if you would have had the baby at home or in the car. Explain you felt she shd have advise you to come in a little sooner w/out seeing you & theny ou'll get it off your chest. Otherwise you just may hold a grudge against her and she may feel she didn't do anything wrong.

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 8:19 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I know what you mean, it makes you feel really ignored and you are paying them for their services. Maybe you should consider a different gynecologist office where the patient's opinions are more respected. Yet, I know those are hard to find. I don't think telling her off would change anything, but I agree with MyAngel003 that you may want to calmly let her know that how she treated you upset you and could have compromised your delivery.

    Answer by minasmama6 at 8:26 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • You could but she has been doing this a while. Rude, opinionated ppl don't usually change because of what ppl tell them. GL

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 11:05 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Isn't it a good thing you trusted your gut and said what you had to say to get to the hospital on time? Your midwife had no way of knowing that you were going to go that way. It wasn't a rule it was a suggestion based on norm. She wouldn't have yelled at you or sat you in the corner for listening to yourself and "knowing" it was time to go. Part of becoming a mom and becoming in charge of another human being is learning to trust yourself rather than always run to the experts. You will do fine. Rather than yell at her just mention to her how it turned out for you and how glad you are that you made it to the hospital in time.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 12:41 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • tell her off i never felt any pain when i was n labor

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 10:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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