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Second Chance?

Hubby admits having close contact with a mutual female friend of ours to include "hidden" emails, phone calls, etc. He said they vetned about their marriages, she's now divorced (we also know the husband) He admits there was a level of attraction but swears that nothing physical happened between them. I suspect otherwise as this went on for a few months before I found out and there are things he just can't seem to account for. I doubt two unhappy adults, confiding in and attracted to each other could withhold that long.

Anyway, I've been thinking about emailing the former husband and asking if he was aware of this and had any thoughts. For all I know, maybe she told him the truth. ???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • WOW! This is a scene right out of my life. This is what eventually ended our marriage. I couldn't believe him anymore. I even talked to the husband. Actually, he came to my house to talk to me.

    If you think it would help, go talk to him. He may not know anything or be willing to talk about it. Once you do this, you have to either move on or move out. You cannot keep holding onto it or it will kill your marriage. You don't have to forget but you do have to quit holding it over his head.

    My ex was never repentant about it.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:34 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • First off ask yourself: if I get in touch with him and he answers my questions would it change anything(how you feel about him, still trusting him, etc), and if the answer is no then why bother!? I mean why reopen this mans wounds for info you are not willing to aid you in a choice that needs to be made!? We all want answers when we have questions; but you already know. Whenever a man or a woman is hiding something as big as communicating with a person they are attracted to, has unaccounted time lapses, seems to look for reasons to get out of the house(and are gone for more than 2 hours, and they do not answer when you call), and the pit of your stomach is reeling from the feeling that something is going on; then what more proof do you need??? Chivalry is 85% dead. Ppl will and are cheating; but yours maybe 1 of the 15% who is just being a good friend!!! Talk to him and tell him how it is making you feel, be honest!!! GL & BW
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 8:57 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • If he's always been trustworthy other than this your time is better served figuring out what your husband is missing that he needed to speak to someone else about your marriage problems. Focus on resolving this.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:07 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Sorry,
    Do you love him? Do you want to stay with him? Without past tripping how do you truely feel about him. Base your decisions on that. If you want to make it work than fight for it and if not stay logical and move forward. One thing at a time. Protect your thoughts and don't feed past pains. Hugs !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 9:17 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • No, don't email the former husband. Keep this between you and your husband.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:42 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I would ask the other husband, especially if you already know him like you said. Just ask him what he knows about the situation, they are divorced now is it because of this thing that happened with your hubby? I personally would never be able to trust my hubby again and like a previous post said that would eventually eat away what is left of your marriage.
    mrspierce06

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 10:11 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Personally I would confront the woman- but that's just my catty answer. Talk to your husband. Be blunt tell him you don't trust him because he lied to you and you have a hard time believing that he didn't cheat on you. Lay it all out and talk. Make sure he knows you don't want him talking to her ever again. You may need professional help to get past this. It's a breach of trust and whether he cheated on you physically he cheated on you emotionally by talking to another woman about problems in your marriage. That isn't ok.
    ajbrownies

    Answer by ajbrownies at 1:09 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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