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How to deal with this ongoing issue between me and my hubby?

I do have an issue with my hubby which he thinks its really nothing but it really drives me nuts to the point I want to give everything up and go back to my life the way it was before(without him).I dont know why it really bugs the heck out of me every time he says that he needs to get out alone, like travel alone, as if i havent been through enough! well he works online and most of the time he's infront of the computer even if he's not working but just reading blogs or just playing games. Most of the time he's more cranky than me, more unapproachable and I cant even have a decent conversation with him unless its about his own interest. Jeez, before the baby came I've always had fights with him,the big 1 was when he said the baby will used up all his money, that really blew up my head to the point I asked for a divorce. I told him I can earn more than enough for her and me, we will survive without you. I really got so mad.

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baby_herscheys

Asked by baby_herscheys at 8:34 AM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I would take a break. Seperate for about a month, see how things go and take it from there.
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 8:38 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I think there are more issues than one here - I think you need a serious sit down and see where you both want to take this relationship - we all need alone time but to need to travel alone is ridiculous to me - and a baby taking his money away:? I think maybe he was / is too selfish for parenting but you already made the choice to have a child with this man so now,.. he NEEDS to change - he will forever be this childs father so you will have to figure out how to make him or help him see she is now # 1 not him anymore!~
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 8:42 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Obviously something is eating at him and he's not happy about something!!! Since he is soo moody and hitting low blows(and you want to work it out or say goodbye to your hubby), try writing a blog or an email telling how you feel and state what your concerns are(and please by all means do not accuse him of anything you can not confirm), what you would like to see happen, and tell him this is not the fairytale ending you envisioned either when you two took those sacred vows. Just like we go through things and keep the ugly stuff bottled in, so do men; and like we pms, men go through their own version of it!!! It is your choice to stay or leave; weigh your options/pros and cons, and do not stay because its best for the baby(because that excuse is more harmful than good!!!). He might be feeling trapped, so you got to approach him the way you would approach your mom when she was ranting, throwing things, etc, when you needed her.
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 8:44 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Sorry ..... I would recommend getting to the core. Stay logical and do what is right . Life is too short to live it in misery. Hugs !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 8:55 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I would suggest a marriage counselor...
    WomanWitty

    Answer by WomanWitty at 9:05 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Did he not want to have a baby and you did? Does he perhaps feel that the baby is more important to you than he? When you try to talk to him, is it usually about what is wrong with him and/or the marriage and how you would like him to do better? These and other questions come to my mind when I see your problem. When a man feels disrespected or hurt or accused, he will often retreat and withdraw in order to protect his emotions. Very seldom will a guy tell you what he is really feeling, because that is considered to be wimpy. After a period of time, he will usually have some kind of angry outburst. Anger is the only acceptable emotion for many men. When that happens, if you will listen very closely to what he says, you will discover the real issues. You can maybe avert the outburst, but just standing behind him at the computer and giving him a neck rub. Stop complaining for a while, and show him how much you care.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:21 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • well, in the beginning, he just wanted me, nothing else, he did everything to keep me in his life. I never ever made him feel the baby is more important than him, I take care of him like any wife would do, I cook for him, clean after his mess, make his life easier, I do everything he says even if its irrational or unnecessary. We even have an issue with giving our daughter her baptism, he's a catholic and im catholic too but now he is an atheist and he said he doesnt want her to be catholic but rather have her as no religion at all which both our families wouldnt agree on with him and I wouldnt either. I still don't really get this alone thing, thats why last week I told him if you have money go and live your life the way you want it because I'm really tired. I listen to him all the time,he complains a lot about things and I'm trying not to care about myself anymore as long as he gets what he wants & he doesnt like backrubs
    baby_herscheys

    Comment by baby_herscheys (original poster) at 10:07 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I'm not the typical wife, if this relationship I call marriage won't last, I wouldnt stay just because of my baby, before I gave birth, I cry myself to sleep nor hide somewhere in the house and cry coz I really don't know how to deal with this anymore but I told him lets give this 1 year and if it doesnt work its over. he said he will change but there was no change at all, it became more complicated and stressful when he kept bugging me with this alone thing because its how it is in his country and culture... jeeez the culture stuff bugs me alot or "im a man" thing is so overused in this relationship. Even when I ask him we'll have to budget our earnings together, he said it makes him less of a man if I'm the one handling the money which most of the time works more well with our groceries and stuff if I budget it. Marriage counselor wont work for us since this is not a marriage even if we both signed papers and exchanged vows.
    baby_herscheys

    Comment by baby_herscheys (original poster) at 10:16 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Have you thought about taking a vacation together? Do you have someone that could watch your baby for the weekend? Maybe you two need time together alone. Surprise him with a night at a hotel or if you don't have the money just a night at home alone with just the two of you. I am sure you are both stressed a little time to put the focus back on your marriage might help. It's hard when you feel ignored and you feel like you are just running in circles. A counselor would probably help too.
    ajbrownies

    Answer by ajbrownies at 1:05 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • OK. Ignore my comment about the marraige counselor.
    ajbrownies

    Answer by ajbrownies at 1:05 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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