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sibling rivalry

Please help. My 2 youngest (daughter 8 and son 9) can not do anything together. Constant fighting. To the point where it is causing marital problems. What can I do? This is payback for when i was a child. My sister and I did not get along.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:57 AM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • well I would lock them in a room for an hour and maybe they will get along.. (jk)

    Answer by mommyofelise at 8:59 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I had a brother who was 4 years older and a sister who was 20 months younger. When we got into a fight, my dad would spank all three of us. It's about the only thing he ever spanked us for. He always said that since he could never be sure who started the fight, he would spank all three and then he would know he got the guilty party. Guess what? We had very few disagreements and we have always been closer than close. I really believe that most children fight because they know it's one way they can torment their parents and get away with it. You could also add another step. Send them to each other's rooms afterwards so they have to sit and look at the sibling's stuff which would be considered to be very boring.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:06 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • No its not that!!! They are fighting over; or tripping rather, over their egos. And because big brother has it in his mind that he is second in line as boss when dad is around he is using this empowerment to his advantage. Being second born and a headstrong determined little lady, she wants to show him who's boss(if you will). Boys and men alike are competitive, and girls can be too; hence where the problem occurs!!! You see when playing board games and or video games or sports, the last thing our male species wants is to be beaten by a "girl". So the way to solve this issue is going to take some coaxing to get dad to tag in this!!! We as a family want our daughter independent, capable of using sound mind, wise enough to make her own decisions, breeze through college, and land an amazing job; how can we do this if we smother her fire before it flourishes!? Please big bro, treat your lil sis as an equal and not a threat. con

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 9:06 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Remind them that they are both special to you and dad; that neither one of you have a favorite, that it's their differences that set them apart!!! I have 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy. When they get into the jealousy parts of attention/ and attention seeking behaviors; I sit them down and explain how they are different, what I love about them, how they are all loved equally, and I tell the older 2 how all 4 of them are the chambers of my heart and that I need all 4 of them to keep me going. We can not end sibling rivalry but we can aid in stopping it(even if it lasts only 30 seconds). You can find the peace so desperately needed, I promise; but you can't throw your hands up and say "I give up" every time you try and seem to fail(find a new idea and approach)!!!! Or you could all sit and point out the bad things about each other, just to make the point that no one is perfect and sometimes we do just rub each other the wrong way.

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 9:14 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Is ladyd6280OP? It's amazing that spanking is always someone's answer. That makes a lot of sense, kids don't get along so hit them. That will teach them to get along and be nice to each other. When parents use violence against children it teaches them to be violent.

    Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together is a great book.


    Answer by Gailll at 9:14 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I don't think that ladyd6280 is OP as she continued her response. :) sometimes I hate to say it, but there isn't a way to stop sibling rivalry. You can show them you love them both equally and do everything else by the book, but at the end of the day one sibling is still going to give the other one shit. Lol, My sister, brother and I are all adults and still aggrivate each other intentioanlly.... why? Because it's funny! Only difference is that we don't fight anymore like when we were kids and one would hit the other when mom wasn't looking.
    It's part of having siblings. It's also part of growing up and becoming "you". You have to begin to express who you are and who you will become, which in turn causes arguements between siblings because they may not agree with how you see the world.
    If it is causing marital problems then it may be fine time to being a third party into the picture and seek family counseling. (cont)

    Answer by Memigen at 9:25 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • That way the kids have time to express themselves and no one can interrupt. Also it may make the children open their eyes to the fact that their behavior is seriously hard on you and dad.

    Good luck!

    Answer by Memigen at 9:26 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

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