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2 Bumps

When I clean I get sooooo pissed at my husband! He's a f@#$%&g pig!! AHHHH!

Somethings got to change. I am constantly cleaning up after my slob husband. I have spoke to him many times, he apologizes and does it again and again. We both work. The three kids and 2 dogs make enogh messes as it is! He never folds his laundry, just throws it on the floor, dirty laundry gets left 2 feet from the damn hamper, or he puts it on top of the lid instead of simply lifting the lid. Doesn't clean the high chair or the table when he feeds the kids, doesn't rinse off dishes, leaves loose change everywhere(choking hazard) crumpled reciepts everywhere, leaves mail all over the house, towels on the floor etc. When he does "tidy up" it's only the living room and the dishes, and it's when he knows I'm pissed. Empty sippy cups everywhere, and he'll leave dirty diapers on the changing table!!I can't live like this anymore and nothing I do seems to get through to him! All i do is clean!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Try asking instead of telling. Some guys repond better to chores if they feel they are not being forced into it,but are part of a team. Hopefully this is not a case of a subconscious "its not my job,its woman's work" type of situation that is causing the passive agressive behavior in him.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:37 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I'm so sorry. I bet many sure can agree with you how things go! I hope they get better. It took me until mine we're grown and out of our house! But it happened! Now he does all of the work!
    Angellinda

    Answer by Angellinda at 2:39 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I understand your frustration, though in my case, it's my 2 tween boys and my elderly grandmother. Even when I complain over simple stuff (like "since you're walking PAST the trash can, how about throwing your trash away instead of leaving it on the counter for me???) I get completely ignored. Last night I'd had such an awful day (bad day at work, 4 hours of helping w/ homework, constant demands for dinner) that just walking into the kitchen, seeing the mess and that dinner hadn't thawed all the way actually made me break down sobbing.

    I don't think until they have to do it for themselves that they actually see how much work they create. Since I can't go away for a week and let them fend for themselves, I nag. After 2 times of asking, I do it myself, but toys, books, shoes and trash don't always end up where they are supposed to. *wink*
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 2:40 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • My sister suggested something to me when I had a similar problem .. She said "Stop doing things for him. Don't do his laundry, don't cook his meals, don't hand him his mail, don't get things for him, just stop doing everything for him. He clearly is depending on you to do everything and knows that he doesn't have to because you will. So stop doing it for him." I think it's good advice. He clearly is dependent on you to do everything for him and he knows that eventually you will. As long as you're not harming yourself or the kids (by leaving things around that could harm them). Do everything for you and the kids and don't ask him to help at all. He'll eventually feel lonely, left out, and realize that you don't need him. Hopefully that will get him into gear and wake him up.

    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:41 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • My dh stop leaving clothes on the floor when I gave the clothes to the dogs. I told him first if you leave clothes on the floor again I will give it to the dogs well he did and the dogs sleep on them
    Alisim

    Answer by Alisim at 2:42 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Okay here goes my cover!lol I'm just embarrassed! I have begged, I have spoken nicely to him, I have told him I can't do this alone. I thank him when he does try.I don't force him. He even agrees with me and told me his dad told him he was a slob too when he lived there. He isn't lazy, and he's a sweet man. I just don't get it anymore!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 2:42 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Damn, sounds like my dh. If you find the cure, please let me know.


    I've done everything I can think of, gone on cleaning strike, I never last, stopped doing his laundry and now he lives out of the basket, moved out of the bedroom, sex strike which was more painful for me, talked until his ears were blue, bitched, moaned, groaned and even left him with the kids to deal with at the worst times, teething.I've tried be calm and rational and well he's stubborn and he thinks it's my job to clean and take care of the kids. But I cannot get it though his head that he's making more work for me and he needs to NOT contribute to the mess. But he just doesn't get it.

    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 3:06 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I mean this seriously is affecting our marriage. I can't live in filth. Not me, not my kids! I don't mind clutter. But hubby works construction, his dirty clothes are nasty! Leaving them is not an option. It's not fair to my kids to lack my attention because I have to clean up huge messes all the time. He's teaching my kids to be slobs too!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 3:16 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • try to come up with some sort of plan together, some agreement that he helps create and stick with (you know, like you would have to do with a kid). ask him to explain to you why he thinks it's important for him to clean up after himself (and feel free to tell him if he can't figure it out about hygiene, parenting, partnering, etc.) and ask him if it would be best to for him to have a scheduled time to clean up after himself, suggest it would be less of an ordeal if he cleaned as he goes with garbage and clothes... ask him to help divide chores, if he is willing to pick up after YOU, etc. basically... engage him in the process. my husband does alot of cleaning but lately he has totally slacked on dishes. i don't know if he is trying to make some sort of point to me or not but all it does is piss me off - i end up doing all the dishes when i cook. i stopped cooking for a few too, that helped a little...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:37 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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