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what should i do?

yesterday my best friend and i took our kids to the lake and while we were there DH's friends seen us and wanted us to go on a boat ride, well everyone tried to get DH to come to the lake (he was at work) after he got off work and he said no and when i asked about the boat ride since it was his 2 closest friends he said to go ahead well hubby told his friend he was enjoying the house to himself so to keep me out for awhile so he did kept me out till dark well i got home and DH was pissed that we were hanging out with his friends all evening and its just a huge mess... I had plans on being home early but DH's friend wouldn't let me leave since DH told him to keep me out for awhile. Well now DH isn't sure what he wants (weather he wants me to leave him or not) I don't wanna leave him but he said he's not sure... ALL because HE told me it was ok to go with his friends with my friend as well and HE told his friend to keep me out.

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Asked by TatymMommi at 2:41 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (934 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Thats pretty fucked up.. I honestly wouldn't have hung with his friends without him anyway, but what he did was messed up too.

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:43 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • BTW we are all married and have kids so its not like anything was happening. my friend says it might be his hormones since he is about to turn 30 but i just don't know! he said he knows for sure he dont want our son to leave but i told him where i go our son goes... i know we can work thru this because we have been thru a lot more in the 6 yrs we have been together than what a lot of people have been thru their whole live... im so confused/hurt and i don't know what to do i love him with everything in me and if i knew he would get mad i would have just stayed home and not went out to the lake.

    Comment by TatymMommi (original poster) at 2:44 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I would suggest some couple's counseling asap. Esp is there are children involved. I'm so not sure why he's conflicted. Does he trust you? Trust his friends? Trust his friends w/ you? There's some issues that need to be addressed before things get out of hand or to the point of no return. Good Luck

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 2:44 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • he says he trust me with them and vise versa. I am friends with both of his friend wives and they have hung out with my hubby b4 without me being there as well and he expected me not to say anything and be fine with it, but I asked him and he said it was ok and he never asked me to hang out with their wives. we have talked about counseling and have wanted to do it but he always changes his mind and says we don't need it.... Im so freaking worried because he lashed out like this over something like this after he already said it was ok.

    Comment by TatymMommi (original poster) at 2:52 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • It sounds to me like there is something else going on. If he gets mad at you because he says to stay out late and now he wants you to leave. I would question him about his motives, and I would be a little worried. Why does he want you to leave when you stayed out late one time? If you think about it, it does sound a little suspicious.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:55 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Yeah, I'm with krisssyvelazquez about this being suspicious. Does he have a habit of lashing out like this after he said that he was okay or fine with it? It's sounds like passive aggressive behaviour and if so counselling would help him communicate clearly.

    Maybe it's time to connect with the wives. Do they, the dh's all hang out and distract the wives for each other?


    Answer by isabellalecour at 3:13 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • did you ask him why he told you and his friend that it was ok, why he told his friend to keep you out and then tried to turn it around on you like you did something wrong?? this sounds like some crazy game...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:25 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Sooo, 1. he said to go. 2. he told his friend to keep you out so he could have the house to himself. 3. he's been around your friends without you there, and THAT was ok, but this isn't. 4. he is saying he thinks he might want a divorce?

    Have you spelled all of this out for him? Just so he knows what the hell is going on? Because I think he may be confused. It could be hormones, but he's a bit young.

    Spell it all out for him. Clearly. If you have to, bring his damn friend in, just so he can't say he didn't tell him to keep you out so he could have time alone. This is absolute bullshit. If he wants a separation, or whatever, then he needs to stop playing games. This is on him.

    All of this is just EXACTLY WHY it is not appropriate for part of a married couple to hang out with single members of the opposite sex, or with the friends of their spouse, when their own spouse is not there. This is a mess!

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:27 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Um that just sounds like a minor couples argument. Why would he want to call it quits because of that? Maybe there is something going on with him. Ask him what is up. Is it possible that you stayed out a little toooo late and he started to worry or become jealous? Talk to him.

    Answer by Queen2245 at 3:28 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • yes i have asked him that and he changed his attitude a little bit and started talking to me and wanting me to hold him and cuddle with him but he didn't wanna hold me or cuddle with me and he even kissed me when i came in last night and then got all pissy!

    Comment by TatymMommi (original poster) at 3:29 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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