Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How do you get along with an asperger's kid?

My son is sometimes lazy selfish and rude. I try to guide him, but just trying to make him understand that he has to change his socks is difficult. I do try to pick my battles and lay off him when I think its too much for him. He is very intelligent, he often gets the best of me in arguments, although I know I am right in what I tell him. I just want him to be successful, and often he does not understand or try to.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • Have you read the novel House Rules by Jodi Picoults? I got a behavioralist via the regional center...basically I had to change and learn to deal with a lot~

    Answer by surfcitymom at 3:17 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • there needs to be consequences for inappropriate behavior- selfish, rude, not ding what he is responsible to do, etc.
    Another good book is Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. Aspies usually do well when up against Logic.
    you say he wins in an argument- don't debate, don;t argue. My aspie loves to debate- and it is easy to get sucked in- but it is best to just say your final answer and leave, don't engage in a debate. he abides by your final answer or deals with consequences.

    Answer by Kiter at 3:21 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • the problem is he doesn't seem to learn from his punishments. when he is rude to me in front of my boyfriend, my boyfriend yells at him. and my boyfriend is trying to make him understand, not just being mean to him. My boyfriend is older and a very nice helpful person to me. I feel like my boyfriend should stay out of it, but a dose of discipline I think helps my son, but his health can not withstand the stress, and I can't either. Can someone tell me what I can do. My son does not listen.

    Answer by kendragarten at 3:35 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • My stepson is 13 and severely autistic. He has rules, and consequences if they are not followed. We don't let up if we think he's had enough - the rules are always the rules no matter what. He thinks in black and white - literal terms - you do "x", "y" happens. You have to make sure there are clear cut rules and consequences or he will continue to push and test boundaries.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:21 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I have a daughter who is 16 with aspergers. We have had some really hard days in our home too. First thing I can say that I know has worked with my daughter is I can see a "FIT" tantrum, upset, whatever you want to call it. Where they get so upset you can't reach them then they go off about everything that has ever gone wrong to the extreme... so on and so forth...
    I can usually tell when one is coming now or when she is upset about something and her UPSETS usually don't have anything to do with what she says she is upset about too. I know to reach her I have to use "other people" examples even when she is really my subject I am talking about. I also have to do it when she is calm or she gets NOTHING! Pictures really helped when she was younger.

    Answer by KarineLynn at 10:37 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • just realized the question was how to get along with them. LOL Its been hard to get my daughter to open up ... but if you can find common ground in an interest they like that helps. have one on one with them. Let them know what they think and say is important to you :)

    Answer by KarineLynn at 10:42 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • i toatly understand this with your son mine is ten and does the samething.I just hopes he grows out of it real soon.

    Answer by ladybug36519 at 11:12 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I appreciate all your answers and they are all help. Feedback gives me strength. Thank you all!
    The brazilian jiu jitsu class is helping him very much that we started recently. I think everyone should take it. Look here: Scott pointed out how helpful it would be for him to take lessons. My older son first introduced the concept, and I was skeptical that it would be beneficial, and then thought another martial art might be just as good. Bjj is definitely starting to be helpful to his overall development. Unless he is interested in something he is very lazy and out of shape, but with this his physical fitness is improving, his socialization skills, his ability to look people in the eye, and his sensory problems with being touched are improving. I think he can grow out of his issues, I really do. Its called a developmental disorder, but with the right people supporting you it can change.

    Answer by kendragarten at 7:17 AM on Sep. 3, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.