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I just found bruises on my stepsons under arm I asked him what happen he said his mom pinched him when he got in trouble his is 6yrs old and autistic. Its not the first time I found bruises on his arm before. I think that is totally horrible. Do I get child services involved? or am I over reacting?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Oct. 11, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Have you talked to her about it? If she is abusing him, someone needs to be notified. What does your husband have to say about it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • was the other bruise in the same spot? Thats usually the spot that you grap a child to you or to their room. Maybe she is being to rough or snapping when he does something wrong. I would try to find out the circumstance that happend around it then talk to her. She will probably get defensive so I would try to do it carefully. Dont attack her with accusations.
    Anyway if they continue I would talk to someone perhaps counseling if she is snapping.
    Another way you can talk to her is casually bring up how you get fustrated and have to take a "time out" before you can deal properly.

    Answer by gavrilmom at 4:03 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • As a step parent I think you really should look into it further. I would try to make sure it is actual abuse and not that she accidentally bruised him some how. On the one side, you want to say something if you believe there is abuse there, because if you end up in court fighting for custody, the judge is going to want to know why you didn't do anything even though you knew abuse was happening, on the other hand, you really need to make sure it's real abuse, otherwise if the child is to stay with his mother, it will make your relationship with her really strained and that's not going to be good for sharing parenting.


    Answer by Lornamay at 4:07 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • You need to find out what is going on before you jump to any conclusions but keep your eyes open also and be ready to call someone if needed,if he is being abused she needs to be taken care of for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • I would have your hubby talk to her, try to find out what is going on. I would like to point out, though, that I have, one time, had to yank my son out of the road b/c he wasn't paying attention and a car was coming. I bruised his arm b/c I grabbed him so hard and yanked him. I wasn't abusing him, I was scared to death that he was going to get hurt. So, I would just keep in mind that it is possible to unintentionally bruise a child. But with what he said, I would definitely look into it. Take some pics, just in case, so that if something does come of it, you'll have some proof.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • Before you call anyone you might want to talk with the child's father. Depending on his reaction decide together what to do, you want to protect your stepson but you don't want to unnecessarily start assuming child abuse.

    Answer by SheriSanchez at 6:19 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • As a step mom that has dealt with something like this before find out if corporal punishment is legal in your state. My SS told me that his mother was hitting him with a belt and when I called CPS they closed the case because corporal punishment is legal in New York. But, since there is bruising, I would take pictures of it, talk to your hubby about it and wait and see if it happens again. If it does, CPS may ask you why you waited, but just tell them you didnt want to jump to conclussions and show them the previous pics. I, personally wouldnt talk to her about it because if it is abuse then next time she will hit him hard enough but make sure she doesnt leave a mark. Good luck.

    Answer by MiiSSHiiSCAMP0S at 8:08 PM on Oct. 11, 2008

  • I don't think you are over reacting at all. In my opinion you should take pictures, look for different stages of healing to tell that this has been going on for a period of time and is not just a "he fell" incident and definently get your husband involved. Maybe he could ask her why he has these bruises if you two don't have the best of relationships. If your husband does it, it wont seem like you are the one trying to take her son away, the conclusion so many moms in her position will jump to. I mean seriously, pinching a 6 year old? What is wrong with some people?!

    Answer by katie23 at 2:49 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

  • Usually if a child is grabbed hard enough around the upper arm there will be a bruise for four fingers. Sometimes only a pinch can occur. I would ask the child to tell your DH when he is hurt by his mom. But if you have a pretty certain idea there is abuse going on then it is you duty to report it. What if you wait on the pretense of sparing someone's feelings and then someting really bad happens? Children count on us to be their voices. As long as you are sure deep down you are not being vindictive in ANY way then report it. Having said that maybe you should talk to your DH and have him talk to her.

    Answer by salexander at 4:15 PM on Oct. 13, 2008

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