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4 Bumps

Is there ever an easy way to cut family ties?

Over the last year I've been trying to fix my relationship with my adoptive mother. My childhood was filled with abuse and humiliation that she's forgotten it's ever happened. It makes it very hard to be around her because she'll spend hours crying about how it hurts her that everyone thinks she's a child abuser and she doesn't understand where they get this from.
I tried to forgive her and move past it, but this past year of having her back in my life has been hell. I really think it's best for me and my family if we cut ties, but the last time I nearly had to file a restraining order and move to get her to leave me alone.
Has anyone else had to cut ties like this? Any suggestions for keeping the stress level down in what is going to be a very tiresome time?
Please don't bash me. I'm beaten down as it is today and could really use some advice. Thanks ladies.

Answer Question
 
flitpixie

Asked by flitpixie at 6:41 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (422 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • My husband simply stopped answering the phone and visiting. But his mother doesn't drive, so it was easier for him to make the cut happen.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:45 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • honestly, just change your phone numbers, block her from messaging you on FB or other networks, get a restraining order if need be, & never look back.
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 6:46 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • change your number. phase her slowly out. its all i can think of
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 6:46 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I'm sorry! Maybe you could just drift away unnoticed? Don't exactly tell her you don't want to have contact, but manage to keep contact short & to the point. Don't argue, fight or otherwise get into it with her, keep the emotion out of your contact and just make it not worth her while to try to get to you. It takes two to argue, after all, so if you don't fight with her, she can't fight with you. Maybe after getting the cold shoulder for a while she'll just go away on her own?
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 6:46 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • The best thing to do is start avoiding her. Then when she asks why tell her the truth, that your life is harder with her in it and you are not willing to deal with the stress of it anymore. Then document all contact with her. She sounds unstable and if you almost had to file a restraining order last time, then be prepared this time. If she continually calls, keep a log in a notebook. If she shows up unannounced, don't answer the door. If she has a key to your house make sure to change the locks and keep your cars locked too. If she won't leave then call the cops. Make sure to document it all, so if you do have to file a restraining order, you will have proof of her harassing you. It is going to be tiresome for you, but keep your chin up... you are doing what is best for yourself and your kids.

    Big Hugs!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 6:48 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I had to cut ties wow we could have had the same adoptive mother? I cut ties because she was always saying how it was done to her she did things to humiliate and destroy me but I could not take it anymore and even now she talks to me badly or did now I have to move and for the last five years I have. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:51 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • you are in a very difficult situation. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this. I cut ties with my biological father about five years ago. however i don't live in the same town as him so I never have to deal with him. I sent him a letter with all of my feelings and how things would have to be in order for us to pursue a relationship. He never responded to that letter and I haven't had any contact with him since. my dad (stepdad) passed away last year my bio father sent my mother a simpathy card but no word to me. I was surprised by how upset it made me but it is really just easier to not have him in my life. Unfortunately where you live close by a restraining order may be in order if she won't leave you alone. again I am really sorry you have to deal with all of this
    rlw

    Answer by rlw at 6:51 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Thanks everyone. I've got all the bases covered, and we'll be getting the phone numbers changed at the end of the week. It's good to know I'm not the only one who's had to do this.

    At this point, her boyfriend doesn't want her talking to me or my sister, so I don't think she'll be coming by as much as she did the first time, but I'm still keeping the door locked.
    flitpixie

    Comment by flitpixie (original poster) at 7:06 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • sounds like your mom and my mom are lot alike.
    abuse when I was a kid, mostly from my dad. then my brother did it, he cleaned up and got therapy and all that- good.
    then my sister beat me up and gave me bad injuries.

    my mom claims that I just created it all in my head- including my sister giving me those bad injuries. mom tries to claim that I 'fell into a chair'- that's what she was insisting I tell the ER after I was hurt. I told the ER how she had told me to say that, and you should have seen the look on their faces! they told me they've heard that before, and certainly wouldn't have believed it!


    I'm with you sweetie! I feel your pain!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:10 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • While it is hard and sometimes you have to wonder being your adoptive mom and all what was she looking for when she adopted you anyways you'll just have to stop talking to her. If you wan to keep any kind of sanity for yourself you have to do this. It'll get easier as time goes on. I hope for your sake. Big Hugs!
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 7:17 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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