Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Will my future mother-in-law ever accept me?

I just recently asked my girlfriend to marry me. She told me she had to think about it because she is afraid her mother will never accept me. Her mother is a total control freak, and has hated me from the moment we met. I have tried so hard to make a good impression but the woman has done nothing but make me feel unwelcome. She tells her daughter she doesn't want her with me because she has a bad feeling about me. This has been going on for close to 3 years now, but I finally proposed. I haven't said it to my girlfriend, but if she isn't ready to marry me after 3 years of dating, I am going to end the relationship. Is my relationship doomed?

Answer Question
 
Chad R.

Asked by Chad R. at 6:45 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would be questioning it after 3 years. Either she is willing to go against her mother and marry you or not.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:49 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Hello, Chad. Very brave of you to venture into these waters. Be aware there are some moms who will want to evict you from the community for being a dad as opposed to a mom.

    Whether your relationship is doomed depends on your prospective bride. My dad never liked my husband. NEVER. Tolerated, but never liked him. That wasn't important to me.

    We just celebrated our 17th anniversary. YES, there were challenges along the way. But we made it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:56 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • oh, I thought it was a lesbian post..............
    anyway, my thought is that the three years thing isn't really the point. I would think that if she really wanted to marry you, the issue of her mother accepting you isn't really the point. I would think she'd want to do it anyway.

    I hope it works out for you.............
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:06 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • no... not after 3 years. but you don't need her to. you need your girlfriend to want you anyways. my MIL and i don't get along at all, so we just stay out of each other's way and everything is good.
    happy-go-lucky

    Answer by happy-go-lucky at 7:49 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I agree with all of these ladies. Me and my DF have been engaged for 5 months and my mom still hasnt accepted it and she never will. She is just like your future MIL. I am gonna marry my SO whether she likes it or not cuz I love him.

    He just tries to talk to her about her interests. She is a very judgemental person so he tries the best he can.

    I hope things work out for you.
    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 8:03 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • the relationship is ultimately about the two of you, not the mother. it is up to your fiance to explain her position with her mother and decide that her mother's feeling matter much less in this situation than her own. Her mother may not accept you but will get over it, while your fiance could lose the love of a lifetime. is she willing to take that chance because of lack of maturity or self esteem? If my partner couldn't be fully present in our relationship to make his own decisions, I would also quesiton the relationship. In the (very short) beginning of my relationship with my husband his mother and brother were overinvolved (by all their choice) and i didn't like that. almost left the relationship. I had to tell him if it's going to work it's got to be between and only between the two of us and our feelings. This relationship must be our priority, not to the exclusion of others but to stay strong with each other as one.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:47 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Has she ever expressed her feeling towards you? I hope she isn't going to ask her mother for permission for her to marry you. If so, it's not going to work.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:01 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Your girlfriend's mom should have no say in the relationship. Trust me, if your girlfriend allows her mom to have a say in any of it, it will destroy your relationship. A similar situation happened with my best friend and her fiance. They ended up breaking up and calling off their wedding due to his mother not liking my friend. It's ridiculous and now he regrets it because he's a grown man and still listening to his mommy. If your girlfriend loves you and you love her and you both agree that marriage is the right step for you two, then go for it! Don't listen to what anyone else has to say. Good luck. :)
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 3:45 PM on Sep. 2, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN