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How can they do this!!!!! It's SO WRONG!!

My father inlaw is in a nursing home. We have been paying his bills for years due to his alcoholism and his mind is gone. He has brain damage because he fell down the stairs drunk. He has proven many times he is not safe alone. He has one arm and no legs from an accident 35 years ago so he is pretty limited. He has fallen many times. And gets DT's if he is sober. He was in the nursing home recently because he had an infection for a year and refused to go to a doctor and it almost killed him. The nursing home said he could never go home because he is too far gone. So guess what! This week they are sending him home! He lives alone. He has no drivers license and drives drunk!! He will kill himself and possibly others. County does nothing either! They said they will have someone "check in" from time to time. I think that's crap.I'm really upset, and I have no control over this. How do my family and I get through this?


Asked by Musicmom80 at 7:32 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (17)
  • Call the nursing home's ombudsman. They advocate for the clients and he needs someone to advocate for him.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:35 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Find a dr to prove that he is incompetent and you or your husband be given the power by a judge to make all decisions for him. I don't remember what they call that but it can be done. I wish you luck.

    Answer by coala at 7:34 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Start going through the process to have him declared mentally incompetant and have yourself or a family member declared his legal guardian. Since this process can take awhile. While it's in process: contact the Ombudsman for the nursing home he is at. If they do not have one, have them tell you how to get into contac with your local county/state Ombudsman's office so that you can find him and advocate. This advocate will help him either be able to stay where he is now, or find him another place to go. If all else fails, the family may have to find and pay for a home health aide to take care of him (even if it's just a couple days a week to make sure he's baithing, home getting cleaned..etc) until you can get him placement in another care facility.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:40 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I would call both your State Health Board and report that wacko nursing home and then I would call your State's Attorney General. This is a direct violation of elder-abuse laws. They could have a really nasty lawsuit on their hands if they don't take him back. I know it would be difficult to have him live with you and your husband until these nitwits get some brain cells.


    Answer by Joeygoat at 7:38 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • This is so wrong! Did his insurance run out? Is there another place you can have him placed? Call your local dept. of aging & see what they can do to guide you. What if no one is there to pick him up to bring him home? What will they do, send him home on a bus? I would just not allow this bad move to happen until you talk to some other agencies & /or an attorney. Good luck!

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:38 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Get him to see someone who says hes unable to care for his self & have the medical power signed over to your hubby & Put him back it. just understand if hes ready to die, then hes going to find away, as sad as that is, if hes at home or not. There is only so much you can do to help him if he doesn't want the help. Worse comes to worst have him move in with you guys if you can afford to pay his bills, it will be stressful, but at least you know your doing everything in his power to help him....

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 7:40 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • If he has medicare then they will pay for some homes for him to live in. Check with the insurance company. If not then someone can pay for him to stay somewhere. It would be costly, but worthwhile to save him and others.

    Answer by Memigen at 8:05 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Wow, momma, you are in a tough place! Can he be declared mentally incompotent? He could get help that way. What about calling an AA chapter in your area and getting some ideas about what to do? I wish you the best of luck. I have an uncle who is in a similar place and it's hard to watch.

    Answer by michelle121003 at 9:20 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • You are going to have to go to court and try to get power of attorney. If you, or someone in the family, can get it then you will be able to decide where he goes and how long he stays there. If he is able to choose to leave, there is nothing the nursing home can do. They have to let him go. We had this problem with my mom; until my dad got POA of her. You may have to let him go and document how he lives. If you can prove to a judge that he is a danger to himself and to others, then you should be able to get POA of him rather easily. If you don't do something he will kill himself or someone else and you know this. Also, is he has no legs or arms, he should be able to get Medicare and Medicaid, if he can prove that he can not work. If he gets both, it will pay for his nursing care and you should not have to pay out of pocket. Good luck.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:24 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • We used to show up at his house, he hadn't eaten in days, showered and there were clothes with feces on them laying on the floor. He will die when he goes home. He has told us he wants to die. The county knows about it too. It just seems like no one cares. Our whole family is sick about it.

    Comment by Musicmom80 (original poster) at 7:34 PM on Aug. 31, 2010