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Please help! How can I stop being jealous about my dh. He has done many things in the past that have cause me to lose trust in him but it's been okay now. Is it normal for him not to have conversations with me about just plain everyday plans, events, etc.?

He made an appt. with dr. for nothing major and I just found out a few hrs. before his appt. he was going, then he goes to play golf with friends and I find out after he already went or just a few hrs. before he's leaving. These are just a few examples. All I want is to be included. Is that wrong? I don't check his wallet, I don't check his cell phone, I don't ever call him at work because I don't want to interrupt his work. I never call him when he goes out to play golf once a week and he's been playing for 10 years now. What am I doing wrong? I'm driving myself crazy of jelousy, I need to stop before my marriage gets worst. Help!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Aug. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • My husband was like this when we first moved in together. He had some issue that he was having to "check in with me like his mom". It was infuriating and inconsiderate. I never felt like he was cheating, but was so annoyed that I would be making dinner and find out that he was out golfing with friends and wouldn't be home for dinner.

    We had the same arguement a 100 times in 2 years. I would tell him that if I knew he was doing something different, then I could make other plans with friends or not rush home from work. He saw me as not independent enough "if it bothers you, then you should do things too". I did, but I always told him. Finally I pulled his crap a couple of times and he got the picture. Oh was he mad when I just casually strolled in hours late having not called or answered my phone. (I just went to the movies.)

    Doesn't happen anymore, now out of courtesy he tells me when he has plans.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:07 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • :-).. Very simple. " I am my own worst enemy". It is all in the mind. Analize what you allow to occupy your mind. Do not feed the unhealthy thoughts and allow yourself to add to them. Simply change your thoughts. When a bad thought comes up stop it and redirect to something good. It takes practice but serenity is there. Look up " Two Wolves" A Cherokee Parable. It truely is the thoughts you feed that control you. As far as your man, don't past trip and love him like you just met and you will never have to worry. Make it a game. Pay attention to your thoughts and challenge yourself . You will never have peace unless you only look back on the past experiences that make you smile. Until then the battle will continue. Life is too short to live in the power of past pains, let go and focus on love. Hugs !!!

    Answer by LeJane at 11:39 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • missing some common courtesy here and communication... it's like he's making a point of excluding you from his daily life - i understand why you feel the way you do... try telling him it's not about trust it's about staying in touch with each other's lives as part of the bond you share... knowing what's going on with the other to be included not to spy, etc.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:22 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Communication is lacking for sure. On his part. I think out of respect and concern for you ... he should share all that he plans on doing daily. Its just considerate. In case you plan something. I would explain it to him like that.... and then if nothing changes...then you have to have that mentality of .... he is just scattered brained and yep. That is my husband. Forgot to tell me again. Make nothing big out of it. You are at least seeing all these things are things that have nothing to do with another woman :) So that is good.
    Maybe as you plan something, mention it... say.. HONEY I HAVE PLANNED AN OUTING WITH A FRIEND, DOES THIS WORK WITH YOUR SCHEDULE? I don't want to do something if you wanted to plan something with me... Maybe teaching by example? He might catch on? only after just flat out explaining your thoughts and feelings. He just might not get it. He might really be a person who struggles with this.

    Answer by KarineLynn at 11:08 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • Just talk to him

    Answer by mamaofficer at 11:05 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • completely agree with Orionsgirl

    Answer by nickellmomof2 at 10:53 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • He's lacking respect and communication. It's absolutely normal for you to want to know if your husband is going golfing or what not. All you can do is approach him about it, let him know how you feel. Perhaps you'd also benefit from couples therapy.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:28 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

  • I think he should be open with you about everything in his life but it sounds like he did stuff that made you lose all your trust for him. So I wouldnt expect him to share everything cuz he could still be hiding something


    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 10:24 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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