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TMI- Am I alone? adult content

I'm starting to confuse myself greatly. My DH and I have been married for 11 yrs and our sexual relations has gone down hill big time. I do believe mainly it is my fault I had a baby 2 yrs ago and it's only gotten worse since.
I never initiate sex, and in the several months my husband doesn't much either because I may turn him down or we just don't get a chnace.
Don't get me wrong when we have sex it is absolutely awesome and I think to myself I really need to do this more.
Now,what I don't get is within the last month I have been looking at some free porn sites after everyone goes to bed, and I masturbate. If I can do this so freely why can't I just go to him.?
In the back of my head I am thinking I just do it as a stress reliever and there is no pressure about it.
I love him, I love the sex we have- when we have it. Maybe just doing this will help me get motivated more towards him.....

Answer Question

Asked by cuteasabutton78 at 1:03 AM on Sep. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (240 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You may be afraid that he may reject you and you are protecting yourself. ( maybe self concious about baby body? ) I would just go for it and have a babysitter( over at grandma's), make a nice dinner, put on something sexy and seduce him. Not only will he like it, you will too. The only way to break this pattern, is to force yourself tobreak it. Good Luck and have fun.

    Answer by zakityzak at 1:07 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • My husband and I are the same way sometimes! We've been together 7 years and we've both gone through very busy/tiring periods of time in the past 2 years. Lately it's been that I initiate and he isn't always up for it.. other times it goes the other way... sometimes we're on the same wave length and that's great! I had to laugh when you wrote about thinking during sex "hey this is great.. I should do this more".. I ALWAYS think that. Even if we have sex every other day I think that, lol. I think sometimes it's just getting over that initial hump which can be daunting for some reason. I wonder if maybe it's the lack of our romantic time to create context for sex. We don't have anyone we trust to watch our son and don't get to be alone very much. In the evening when he's sleeping we both have work to do. I think also the more sex you have the more you want it in general. I just try to get on sex kicks and it improves.

    Answer by Kisses4Henry at 1:08 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • just go in and pounce him! make him think..

    Answer by sunshinebaby209 at 1:10 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I would set a goal to intiate sex with him. Sometimes its just about making it a habit.... but really focus on making that a priority.... I believe that sex is a HUGE deal in making a marriage work, it create intimacy that can't be acheived anywhere else. So, do special things once in a while, like wear no underwear to bed, wear something special, give a nice massage that leads somewhere, its ok to be settle about it or not be settle, whatever you feel comfortable with. He is your husband and I'm sure that he would be just beyond himself if you pursued him!!! Especially if he is feeling a little neglected right now. Take the risk... its worth it and you'll be so happy you did!!!

    Answer by Precious333 at 1:13 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Stop masturbating and see if that help stop for a month.

    Answer by mamaofficer at 1:29 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • This is funny becaue I just wrote about me in this almost same situation a few minutes ago. Good luck!!

    Answer by Payan04 at 1:56 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Try talking to your husband. Tell him that you feel weird about initiating sex, but that you love him and you want him. Tell him that sometimes it's hard for you to "get in the mood" but that you're interested in trying, to help your marriage succeed. If you're too nervous to talk to him, just DO it. You don't have to initiate - wear something kind of sexy, wait for him to initiate, and don't turn him down (this way, no one gets rejected).

    I think talking to him would be more beneficial than spending all your sexual energy by masturbating alone.

    Answer by WomanWitty at 2:10 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I have similar issues. When I start thinking of sex not as some grand performance intended to amaze and confuse my husand, but as a two-man sport, it helps. Ditching all the trappings (such as sexy lingerie) also helped take the pressure off me, but that's just me.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:36 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • There is nothing wrong in masturbation. Having kids makes things difficult in the bedroom. It's perfectly acceptable to take responsibility for your own orgasm. At least your not suffering from lack of sex and the frustration that it brings. I wouldn't be too worried about this. When you find a good time to approach your dh, I'm sure you will. But in the meantime, talk to him, let him know that your still receptive and enjoy sex with him. Work on your own issues with approachinghim sexually. If timing is the real issue, work on making the time with him, even if it's nothing more than a date night. Intimacy is far more important to a marriage than sex.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:58 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Your afraid of what he would say, like reject you. Yall need to set time aside for eachother, weather it be during the babies nap time or at night or a quicky. Intiate sex as often as you can. Take those erotic positions that you see in the porn and do them with him. Surprise him

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 4:56 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

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