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2 Bumps

why is this happening. adult content

I really love my DH & he is the smartest person I've ever met.The problem is for the last few days I don't feel like getting physical with him,not even kissing & hugging.Although earlier it was I who used to pamper him with all these things.My DH though loves me but he always wants to 've sex only at night,even if I felt like having it during any other time he never payed heed to my urges.but now I get really tensed when i see him approaching me at night b'coz i just don't want it.Why is it happening.I am really worried as my such behaviour would hurt my DH.

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A11

Asked by A11 at 3:36 AM on Sep. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,687 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Your needs aren't being met in some area so you are tensing up because you feel like he is taking something from you. Maybe your time and energy after you've done all the cleaning. Maybe you need more affection to be intimate. Maybe you need him to pay attention to your sexual needs at other times in order to feel open to his advances at night. You are just going to have to sit down with him and talk about it. You should each make a list of the needs you have, they are all connected. Your need for him to help you around the house or spend time with the kids is totally related to your ability to open up to him sexually. His need for sexuality is connected to his ability to show you affection, etc. It's all tied together.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 4:06 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Thanks but I'm working 8-5 & he 10-4,he comes earlier & takes care of our 9 months old son.During the evening he has his office 6-8pm(sometimes even till 10 pm).He helps me as per his potential .I don't think i should expect anything more as far as helping me at household chores by him is concerned
    A11

    Comment by A11 (original poster) at 4:31 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Bellarose0212 is completely right. You need to talk to one another about this and let him know that when it's convenientfor him at night it's not always with you. Communication is so very important in a relationship you both need to keep that line wide open and use your voices.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:32 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Wow, you zeroed in on one thing. My point was that you both should access your needs, and your ability to meet his sexual needs can be dependent on some of your other needs being met. I wasn't trying to define your needs for you (I'm not psychic), but give examples. It's up to you to define them for yourself. I also emphasized just communicating him about your needs, which raemommy also highlighted, whether that is to have him meet your sexual needs at other times, show you non-sexual affection, or whatever. Or, just communicate about your burn-out some nights. Having sex with your husband every night for your whole marriage is not going to happen, and if you are withdrawing, you must figure out why. Is it because you are tired and burnt out? Because you need more fore-play and affection? Etc. you need to talk to dh about all of it.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:43 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • So First you two have a baby in the house? And he work weird hours. I should say split hours. Some times it is not when you want it. It is when you can get it. It sound like his day is jam packed. and the thought of wiping it out when you want it is not on his mind.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:05 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

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