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2 Bumps

I think I literally hate my husband.

-First dating - he cheated on me
-Then he went to prison for 10 months while I was pregnant. I wait faithfully. I give birth to son who he doesn't see until he's 6 months old. Gets out & swears he'll be sober perfect man.
-Find out he's smoking weed
-Has about 1 year of partying on weekends/drinking/leaving me home with small son & no car.
-Stops the drinking crap. Find him smoking weed again.
-Lies about this kind of stuff all the time
-I think he's finally matured. Lies about smoking weed so I believe he's sober. I tell him don't marry me unless you are positive you want to be sober. We get married.
-1 WEEK after ceremony he's smoking weed!
-Quits for awhile. Now back at it.
-Sucks as a husband. Plays video games all the time.
-We are in counseling but my mind is constantly thinking of how much I HATE him.
-What the heck do I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Sep. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • It sounds like he was never the man you wanted him to be so it may have been a mistake marrying him in the first place. You can't make him change, he has to actually want to do it for himself. If you cannot live with his transgressions, then I would say it's probably time to get out!

    Answer by AmeliasMommy206 at 9:22 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Divorce his ass and spend some time pondering why you chose to hook up with such an obvious loser so you never make that mistake again.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:11 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Honey, get out! Honestly, do you really think you will ever be able to trust the fact that he is sober, even if he does clean up his act?

    Answer by mommy11260 at 9:10 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • He has shown you a pattern of behavior - not a "one time slip." Cut your losses, divorce him. He will never be the man you need him to be.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:13 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I second that. People don't change. Why did you marry him, stay with him, all that?
    You may consider going to al anon. There is a certain type of person that stays with a loser and gets all upset when they keep being who they are. Round and round they go! They are called co-dependents. I used to be one!

    Answer by Lovey1234 at 9:13 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • on the 1st line.. cheating while dating... would have been the end for me right there.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:15 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • GET OUT!!! You can't change him!! He will only change if he wants to, and looks like it isn't happening.

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 9:15 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Reading that my first thought was why in the world would she put up with that? You deserve better your child deserves better. Get out.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:33 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • You "literally hate your husband"... but it seems that he has been the SAME person all this time.

    You should focus on what you think of YOURSELF. Why would you stay with someone like this? Cheating, Drugs, Prison, Absentness.... Those are all the big deal breakers that would end most relationships, but you choose to stay. You blame him, but he has not changed. You need to turn that finger back around to yourself and figure out why you think you deserve this. He will not change, he does not want to change and frankly he seems very happy to be himself. If you are not happy you need to change. You can either accept that you married this man and accept him for who he is... or cut your loses and start over.

    "Just because someone doesn't love you the way that you need them to love you, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have"
    Also doesn't mean their love is enough to sustain a relationship

    Answer by Niki_sd at 9:39 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Realize that you can not change someone else. Instead of waiting for a miracle to happen, run. Get away from all of it and find a healthy life. The best predictor of the future is the past. It is not the end of the world you just made a mistake picking a mate. Simply accept that fact and take care of yourself. You will be OK and you are not alone. move forward. Stay logical......

    Answer by LeJane at 9:43 AM on Sep. 1, 2010