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3 Bumps

Am I expecting too much?

For the past few months I haven't felt like my SO loves or values me. He says that he tries to show me, but sometimes I feel like he isn't trying very hard. I have been very emotional and feeling like this is really getting the best of me. Last night we sat down to talk about our problems, he told me to go first so I told him that I felt like my feeling and thoughts were constantly being shoved aside and degraded. He did say he was sorry I felt that way and after an hour of fighting asked what he could do to help. He tried to get his 2 sense in on what I said and was sure to say that he though sometimes I just over reacted and took it wrong. He then would trail off every 2 minutes into what he thought was wrong he what he wanted fixed. I didn't get his undivided attention and I feel like I just don't matter anymore. Am I expecting too much by expecting him to keep his opinions and comments to himself for 2 minutes?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Sep. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • ++Hugs++ No, I dont think so, but men dont think like us, and they think when you tell them something you are nagging. You will have to decide if your negatives are worth putting up with, if not maybe you should decide if this relationship is what you really want.
    mum-to-a-cutie

    Answer by mum-to-a-cutie at 10:54 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • My personal thoughts based on what you just shared..

    You two do not understand how one another shares/shows : love, appreciation, admiration, respect, etc...

    You view and think of 1 thing has him showing you he appreciates you, loves you ..etc.. And that's what you are expecting/wanting from him. He says he "tries" because he is showing you those things, in the manner in which he thinks/views shows those things.. Since you aren't seeing what you interpret/communicate as love & appreciation, you feel as if you aren't getting it. Make sense?

    Next time the two of you talk. Instead of just talking about what you feel is lacking, or how you are feeling because of those things not being present. Discuss how each of you shows and interprets love, appreciation..ect.. Discuss how each of you show it, and how you interpret it. You may find that he's beein showing you all along, you just haven't been "seeing" it..
    Cont.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 10:57 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Keeping the communication open is a step in the right direction- and using the "I feel" terms, instead of "you did/say this" terms, will help him to not feel like he's being attacked. Sounds like you guys need to take some time as a couple to reconnect w/ each other. Can you get a sitter, go out to dinner- have the house to yourselves- something like that? You'd be amazed what a night like that can do for your relationship. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:57 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • My husband and I are going through this right now too. I feel like he just expects me to do everything for the baby and that he does not consider me when making decisions/plans! I am not sure if I am just "looking" for this to be mad at him about or if it is all coming to a head right now? He tells me that I am trying to be controlling and nagging as well. Men just dont think or respond like we do!
    Mom2Brock

    Answer by Mom2Brock at 10:59 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Some women view being shown love (not saying this is you, just giving an example) by being told they are beautiful all the time, being told how special they are, being wined and dined, their partners helping out at home...etc..ect Each woman has her own interpretation of being shown those things.

    Some men, on the otherhand (not saying this is your husband, just giving examples) feel showing their spouse love & appreciation by: bringing them a cup of coffee, pick up a candy or something for them when they are at the store, taking out the garbage (yes that too..lol. Just like some women view showing their husband love is by: doing their laundry, cooking their meals..etc.. Men can view the same types of things as showing love... Each man has their own way of interpreting and showing these things..

    Some women find a candlelight dinner romantic. Some men find sitting by a fire outside romantic.. KWIM..
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 11:00 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • men and women think differently and express themselves way diiferent
    but
    he is trying and he even said....He did say he was sorry I felt that way and after an hour of fighting asked what he could do to help

    sounds like a pretty good start for a man
    kep the conversations going

    check out the book men are from mars and women from venus
    it really hepled me realize how different men think
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:01 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I totally hear where you're coming from. And it's very hard sometimes to remember that men and women think and react differently. We each have our own way of dealing with certain situations. As long as you know that he loves you, everything will work out. They don't seem to understand that it really doesn't take that much to make us feel the way that we need and want to. They need constant reminders. Try to keep the lines of communication open and as hard as it might be try not to blame. Good luck and God Bless!
    christy_lvr

    Answer by christy_lvr at 11:28 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • he's trying to devalue the situation so he wouldn't be blamed for everything that is wrong with the relationship. noone wants to be the fault guy. that is understandable. i think your reading to much into this whole thing. you got to realize that men don't accept criticism very well. doesn't mean he doesn't love you. just means he's not good at listening.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:33 AM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I would have told him that if he would like to discus his problems, then HE could go first or he could wait until YOU are finished. lol. Impatient men.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 12:11 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • His 2 sense??? LOL.
    2 cents.
    anyway.you might be a little demanding and making too much out of this. Men don't respond well to drama and needy behavior. Just sayin' ...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

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