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Is it offensive to strip the word "mother" out of a natural mother or adoptive mother's title?

Do you think it is offensive to refer to a natural mother as a "relinquisher" or "relinquishing woman?" (Thereby removing the reference to "mother.")

Similarly, do you think it is offensive to remove the term "mother" from a reference to an adoptive mother and refer to her as an "adopter" or an "adoptive woman?"

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Sep. 1, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (27)
  • I don't think it's offensive, this is a legal document - I'm guessing that certain terms need to be defined clearly to ensure the parties in the adoption are identified legally. It has no bearing on who the "mother" is, it's to protect all parties involved.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:16 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Not out of the birth tital your giving up your right to be called mother when you give you child away.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:17 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Yes, I think it's very offensive. The natural mother is a mother by virtue of having given birth and that should never be diminished in any way. The adoptive mother becomes a mother by virtue of choice and the desire to "mother or nurture" a child througout it's life. That, also should never be diminished in any way. Both deserve the term Mother and both should be recognized as such.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 8:19 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Never heard those terms in ordinary conversation. If it is only in legal discussions,fine,but not really necessary otherwise. I see no reason to"Strip the word Mother from...." anything. WHat the heck? Strip the word?
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 8:23 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • seems icky~never heard the wording in my two adoptions. I do get mad at IEP's when my child is referred to as "adopted"....I ask for it to be removed cause how kids come into families isn't described so for others. Like...this is a vaginally birthed child~or the c-sectioned daughter of so and so...
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 8:41 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I don't think it's offensive, this is a legal document - I'm guessing that certain terms need to be defined clearly to ensure the parties in the adoption are identified legally. It has no bearing on who the "mother" is, it's to protect all parties involved.

    The OP is not meaning a legal document... she is talking about in a conversation or online...there are some ladies on CM that refer to adoptive mothers as adopters...it is offensive to be referred to as an adopter...it renders my relationship with my child as insignificant if you will...my daughter should never feel like our relationship is not real or worth having....
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 10:19 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • Not out of the birth tital your giving up your right to be called mother when you give you child away.

    There are many reasons a first mother decides to relinquish her rights to her child. She will always be that child's mother- just not parenting that child. My daughter has two mothers- her first mom in China, whom through no fault of her own was unable to parent *our* daughter...she was at the mercy of the Chinese government and most likely a husband and his family as well and myself. Things are not black and white in adoption..there are so very many shades of gray.
    Any woman that has gone through what a first mom has endured has the right to maintain the title of mother...whether it is natural, first, birth...whatever title she prefers.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 10:25 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • I don't like it when people jump through hoops to avoid calling one or the other woman a mother. It is offensive to me, and just feels yucky. I honor my kids' birth moms as the mothers they are, and they honor me as the mother they chose to raise their children. We are all mothers, and we are all equally real.

    LOL, surfcitymom! My daughter's school paperwork had a box for "adopted child". I just checked "child".
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:41 PM on Sep. 1, 2010

  • "There are many reasons a first mother decides to relinquish her rights to her child. She will always be that child's mother- just not parenting that child. My daughter has two mothers- her first mom in China, whom through no fault of her own was unable to parent *our* daughter...she was at the mercy of the Chinese government and most likely a husband and his family as well and myself. Things are not black and white in adoption..there are so very many shades of gray.
    Any woman that has gone through what a first mom has endured has the right to maintain the title of mother...whether it is natural, first, birth...whatever title she prefers."

    Totally agree with you, mcginnisc.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:06 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

  • It doesn't offend me whatever people call me. Amom, adoptive mom, adoptive woman, aparent, adopter, etc. I know who I am, because my son tells me every day. I am his Mom.

    I also understand why mothers who have lost children to adoption are particular about what they personally are called. Each one may have a different preferred tern that she believes validates her and lessens the loss that she's suffered. I try to go by what I know each one prefers, and apologize quickly if I offend unintentionally . It's never my intent to offend.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:03 AM on Sep. 2, 2010

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